Re: A drunken man walks into a biker bar.....

A man and his wife go to their honeymoon hotel for their 25th anniversary. As the couple reflected on that magical evening 25 years ago, the wife asked the husband, "When you first saw my naked body in front of you, what was going through your m...ind?"The husband replied, "All I wanted to do was to fuck your brains out, and suck your tits dry."Then, as the wife undressed, she asked, "What are you thinking now?"He replied, "It looks as if I did a pretty good job."

Re: A drunken man walks into a biker bar.....

:lol:

Re: A drunken man walks into a biker bar.....

How are women and tornadoes alike? They both moan like hell when they come, and take the house when they leave.

Re: A drunken man walks into a biker bar.....

As an airplane is about to crash, a female passenger jumps up frantically and announces, "If I'm going to die, I want to die feeling like a woman."She removes all her clothing and asks, "Is there someone on this plane who is man e...nough to make me feel like a woman?"A man stands up, removes his shirt and says, "Here, iron this!"

Re: A drunken man walks into a biker bar.....

cheap mexican pregnancy test...insert burrito in vagina and remove after 30 sec. if it's half eaten there's a little beaner in there

Re: A drunken man walks into a biker bar.....

[QUOTE=i!!ustrious;789511]As an airplane is about to crash, a female passenger jumps up frantically and announces, "If I'm going to die, I want to die feeling like a woman."She removes all her clothing and asks, "Is there someone on this plane who is man e...nough to make me feel like a woman?"A man stands up, removes his shirt and says, "Here, iron this!"[/QUOTE]

:lol::lol:

Re: A drunken man walks into a biker bar.....

A man and a friend are playing golf one day at their local golf course. One of the guys is about to chip onto the green when he sees a long funeral procession on the road next to the course. He stops in mid-swing, takes off his golf cap, closes his eyes, and bows down in prayer. His friend says: “Wow, that is the most thoughtful and touching thing I have ever seen. You truly are a kind man.” The man then replies: “Yeah, well we were married 35 years.”

Re: A drunken man walks into a biker bar.....

I love this thread!! :lol:

Re: A drunken man walks into a biker bar.....

Four friends, who hadn't seen each other in 30 years, reunited at a party.

After several drinks, one of the men had to use the rest room..

Those who remained talked about their kids.

The first guy said, 'My son is my pride and joy. He started working at a successful company at the bottom of the barrel. He studied Economics and Business Administration and soon began to climb the corporate ladder and now he's the president of the company. He became so rich that he gave his best friend a top of the line Mercedes for his birthday.'

The second guy said, 'Darn, that's terrific! My son is also my pride and joy. He started working for a big airline, then went to flight school to become a pilot. Eventually he became a partner in the company, where he owns the majority of its assets He's so rich that he gave his best friend a brand new jet for his birthday.'

The third man said: 'Well, that's terrific! My son studied in the best universities and became an engineer. Then he started his own construction company and is now a multimillionaire. He also gave away something very nice and expensive to his best friend for his birthday : A 30,000 square foot mansion.'

The three friends congratulated each other just as the fourth returned from the restroom and asked: 'What are all the congratulations for?'

One of the three said: 'We were talking about the pride we feel for the successes of our sons. ...What about your son?'

The fourth man replied: 'My son is gay and makes a living dancing as a stripper at a nightclub.'

The three friends said: 'What a shame... what a disappointment.'

The fourth man replied: 'No, I'm not ashamed. He's my son and I love him.

And he hasn't done too bad either. His birthday was two weeks ago, and he received a beautiful 30,000 square foot mansion, a brand new jet and a top of the line Mercedes from his three boyfriends.'

Re: A drunken man walks into a biker bar.....

^ LMAO that is a good one. it's one beneficent circle :lol:

Re: A drunken man walks into a biker bar.....

they say that fruit is good for constipation,id have to agree. i got my orange phone bill through today and i shit myself:lol::lol:

Re: A drunken man walks into a biker bar.....

[QUOTE=Kamal;782530][FONT=Default Sans Serif,Verdana,Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif][SIZE=2][CENTER][CENTER][U][FONT=Default Serif,Times New Roman,Times,serif][SIZE=7][COLOR=#ff8100][COLOR=#ff8100]Lessons in Logic [/COLOR][/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT][/U][SIZE=5][COLOR=#ffc281][COLOR=#ffc281]

If your father is a poor man, it is your fate but, if your father-in-law is a poor man, it's your stupidity. [/COLOR][/COLOR][/SIZE][SIZE=5][COLOR=red][COLOR=red]

.................................................................................... [/COLOR][/COLOR][/SIZE][SIZE=5][COLOR=#ffc281][COLOR=#ffc281]

I was born intelligent - education ruined me. [/COLOR][/COLOR][/SIZE][SIZE=5][COLOR=red][COLOR=red]

.................................................................................... [/COLOR][/COLOR][/SIZE][SIZE=5][COLOR=#ffc281][COLOR=#ffc281]

Practice makes perfect..... But nobody's perfect...... so why practice? [/COLOR][/COLOR][/SIZE][SIZE=5][COLOR=red][COLOR=red]

.................................................................................... [/COLOR][/COLOR][/SIZE][SIZE=5][COLOR=#ffc281][COLOR=#ffc281]

If it's true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are the others here for? [/COLOR][/COLOR][/SIZE][SIZE=5][COLOR=red][COLOR=red]

.................................................................................... [/COLOR][/COLOR][/SIZE][SIZE=5][COLOR=#ffc281][COLOR=#ffc281]

Since light travels faster than sound, people appear bright until you hear them speak. [/COLOR][/COLOR][/SIZE][SIZE=5][COLOR=red][COLOR=red]

.................................................................................... [/COLOR][/COLOR][/SIZE][SIZE=5][COLOR=#ffc281][COLOR=#ffc281]

How come "abbreviated" is such a long word? [/COLOR][/COLOR][/SIZE][SIZE=5][COLOR=red][COLOR=red]

.................................................................................... [/COLOR][/COLOR][/SIZE][SIZE=5][COLOR=#ffc281][COLOR=#ffc281]

Money is not everything. There's Mastercard & Visa. [/COLOR][/COLOR][/SIZE][SIZE=5][COLOR=red][COLOR=red]

.................................................................................... [/COLOR][/COLOR][/SIZE][SIZE=5][COLOR=#ffc281][COLOR=#ffc281]

One should love animals. They are so tasty. [/COLOR][/COLOR][/SIZE][SIZE=5][COLOR=red][COLOR=red]

.................................................................................... [/COLOR][/COLOR][/SIZE][SIZE=5][COLOR=#ffc281][COLOR=#ffc281]

Behind every successful man, there is a woman And behind every unsuccessful man, there are two. [/COLOR][/COLOR][/SIZE][SIZE=5][COLOR=red][COLOR=red]

.................................................................................... [/COLOR][/COLOR][/SIZE][SIZE=5][COLOR=#ffc281][COLOR=#ffc281]

Every man should marry. After all, happiness is not the only thing in life. [/COLOR][/COLOR][/SIZE][SIZE=5][COLOR=red][COLOR=red]

.................................................................................... [/COLOR][/COLOR][/SIZE][SIZE=5][COLOR=#ffc281][COLOR=#ffc281]

The wise never marry. and when they marry they become otherwise. [/COLOR][/COLOR][/SIZE][SIZE=5][COLOR=red][COLOR=red]

.................................................................................... [/COLOR][/COLOR][/SIZE][SIZE=5][COLOR=#ffc281][COLOR=#ffc281]

Success is a relative term. It brings so many relatives. [/COLOR][/COLOR][/SIZE][SIZE=5][COLOR=red][COLOR=red]

.................................................................................... [/COLOR][/COLOR][/SIZE][SIZE=5][COLOR=#ffc281][COLOR=#ffc281]

Never put off the work till tomorrow what you can put off today. [/COLOR][/COLOR][/SIZE][SIZE=5][COLOR=red][COLOR=red]

.................................................................................... [/COLOR][/COLOR][/SIZE][SIZE=5][COLOR=#ffc281][COLOR=#ffc281]

"Your future depends on your dreams" So go to sleep [/COLOR][/COLOR][/SIZE][SIZE=5][COLOR=red][COLOR=red]

.................................................................................... [/COLOR][/COLOR][/SIZE][SIZE=5][COLOR=#ffc281][COLOR=#ffc281]

There should be a better way to start a day Than waking up every morning [/COLOR][/COLOR][/SIZE][SIZE=5][COLOR=red][COLOR=red]

.................................................................................... [/COLOR][/COLOR][/SIZE][SIZE=5][COLOR=#ffc281][COLOR=#ffc281]

"Hard work never killed anybody" But why take the risk [/COLOR][/COLOR][/SIZE][SIZE=5][COLOR=red][COLOR=red]

.................................................................................... [/COLOR][/COLOR][/SIZE][SIZE=5][COLOR=#ffc281][COLOR=#ffc281]

"Work fascinates me" I can look at it for hours [/COLOR][/COLOR][/SIZE][SIZE=5][COLOR=red][COLOR=red]

.................................................................................... [/COLOR][/COLOR][/SIZE][SIZE=5][COLOR=#ffc281][COLOR=#ffc281]

God made relatives; Thank God we can choose our friends. [/COLOR][/COLOR][/SIZE][SIZE=5][COLOR=red][COLOR=red]

.................................................................................... [/COLOR][/COLOR][/SIZE][SIZE=5][COLOR=#ffc281][COLOR=#ffc281]

The more you learn, the more you know, The more you know, the more you forget The more you forget, the less you know So.. why learn. [/COLOR][/COLOR][/SIZE][SIZE=5][COLOR=red][COLOR=red]

........................................................................................ [/COLOR][/COLOR][/SIZE][SIZE=5][COLOR=#ffc281][COLOR=#ffc281]

A bus station is where a bus stops.

A train station is where a train stops. [/COLOR][/COLOR][/SIZE][SIZE=5][COLOR=white][COLOR=white]

On my desk, I have a work station.... [/COLOR][/COLOR][/SIZE][SIZE=5][COLOR=red][COLOR=red] what more can I say........ [/COLOR][/COLOR][/SIZE] [/CENTER] [/CENTER] [/SIZE][/FONT][/QUOTE]

hahaha, i like these

Re: A drunken man walks into a biker bar.....

If a woman is uncomfortable watching you masturbate do you think a/ you need more time together b/ she's a prude c/ she should of sat elsewhere on the bus

Re: A drunken man walks into a biker bar.....

[QUOTE=bobjuice;789985]If a woman is uncomfortable watching you masturbate do you think a/ you need more time together b/ she's a prude c/ she should of sat elsewhere on the bus[/QUOTE]

:CrackUp:

Re: A drunken man walks into a biker bar.....

TOP TEN REASONS TO GO TO WORK NAKED...

1. Your boss is always yelling, "I wanna see your ass in here by 8:00!"

2. Can take advantage of computer monitor radiation to work on your tan.

3. "I'd love to chip in, but I left my wallet in my pants."

4. To stop those creepy guys in Marketing from looking down your blouse.

5. You want to see if it's like the dream.

6. So that with a little help from Muzak you can add "Exotic Dancer" to your exaggerated resume.

7. People stop stealing your pens after they've seen where you keep them.

8. Diverts attention from the fact that you also came to work drunk.

9. Gives "bad hair day" a whole new meaning.

10. No one steals your chair.

Re: A drunken man walks into a biker bar.....

its not hard to tell which celebrity raped Jordan. judging by the look of young Harvey it was Clyde from Every Which Way But Loose :lol::lol::lol::lol:

Re: A drunken man walks into a biker bar.....

A man moves into a nudist colony. He receives a letter from his grandmother asking him to send her a current photo of himself in his new location. Too embarrassed to let her know that he lives in a nudist colony, he cuts a photo in half and mails it. The next day he discovers that he had accidentally sent the bottom half of the photo. He's really worried but then remembers how bad his grandmother's eyesight is, and hopes she won't notice. A few weeks later, he receives a letter from his Grandmother.

It says: "Thank you for the picture. Change your hairstyle... it makes your nose look too short."

Love, Grandma

Re: A drunken man walks into a biker bar.....

Two men camping in the mountains had spent four days together, and they were getting a little testy. One morning, the first friend says, "You know, we're starting to get on each other's nerves. Why don't we split up today. I'll hike north and spend the day looking around, you hike south and spend the day. Then tonight, we'll have dinner and share our experiences over the campfire."

The second friend agrees and hikes south.

The first man hikes north. That night over dinner, the first man tells his story. "Today I

hiked into a beautiful valley. I followed a stream up into a canyon and ate

lunch. Then I swam in a crystal clear mountain lake. As I sat out and

dried, I watched deer come and drink from the stream. The wildflowers were

filled with butterflies and hawks floated all day overhead.

How was your day?"

The second friend says, "I went south and ran across a set of

railroad tracks. I followed them until I came across a beautiful young woman

tied to the tracks. I cut the ropes off, gently lifted her off the tracks,

and we had sex in every imaginable way all afternoon. Finally, when I was so

tired I could barely move, I came back to camp."

"Wow" the first guy exclaimed, "Your day was MUCH better than mine.

Did you get a blow job, too?"

"Nah," says the second friend over his meal, "I couldn't find her head."

Re: A drunken man walks into a biker bar.....

^^Copied from a post in a thread from 2 years ago :roflmao:

Re: A drunken man walks into a biker bar.....

Got this one in my email today:

A couple was invited to a masked costume Halloween party.. The wife got a terrible headache and told her husband to go to the party alone.. He, being a devoted husband, protested, but she argued and said she was going to take some aspirin and go to bed, and there was no need for his good time to be spoiled by not going.. So he took his Batman costume and away he went.

The wife, after sleeping soundly for about an hour, awakened without pain, and, as it was still early, decided to go to the party. In as much as her husband did not know what her costume was, she thought she would have some fun by watching her husband to see how he acted when she was not with him. She put on a Goldilocks costume. So she joined the party and soon spotted her husband cavorting around on the dance floor, dancing with every nice chick he could cuddle with and copping a little feel here and a little kiss there. His wife went up to him and being a rather seductive babe herself, he left his new partner high and dry and devoted his time to her. She let him go as far as he wished, naturally, since he was her husband.

After some more to drink he finally whispered a little proposition in her ear and she agreed, so off they went to one of the cars and had a quickie in the back seat.

Just before unmasking , she slipped away and went home and put her costume away and got into bed, wondering what kind of explanation he would make up for his outrageous behavior.

She was sitting up reading when he came in, so she asked what kind of time he had. 'Oh, the same old thing. You know I never have a good time when you're not there.' Then she asked, 'Did you dance much?' He replied, 'I'll tell you, I never even danced one dance. When I got there, I met Pete, Bill Brown and some other guys, so we went into the spare room and played poker all evening.'

'You must have looked really silly wearing that Batman costume playing poker all night!' she said with unashamed sarcasm. To which the husband replied, 'Actually, I gave my Batman costume to your Dad. Apparently he had a whale of a time. He told me he got lucky with a hottie in a Goldilocks outfit'

Re: A drunken man walks into a biker bar.....

:lol:

Re: A drunken man walks into a biker bar.....

A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do.

"Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?" The blonde said, "How about 50 dollars?" The man agreed and told her that the paint and ladders that she might need were in the garage. The man's wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, "Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?" The man replied, "She should. She was standing on the porch."

A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money. "You're finished already?" he asked. "Yes," the blonde answered, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats. "Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50. "And by the way," the blonde added, "that's not a Porch, it's a Ferrari."

Re: A drunken man walks into a biker bar.....

Two women friends had gone out for a Girls Night Out, and had been decidedly over-enthusiastic on the cocktails. Incredibly drunk and walking home they suddenly realized they both needed to pee. They were very near a graveyard and one of them suggested they do their business behind a headstone or something. The first woman had nothing to wipe with so she took off her panties, used them and threw them away. Her friend however was wearing an expensive underwear set and didn't want to ruin hers, but was lucky enough to salvage a large ribbon from a wreath that was on a grave and proceeded to wipe herself with it. After finishing, they made their way home.

The next day the first woman's husband phones the other husband and said, "These damn girls nights out have got to stop. My wife came home last night without her panties." "That's nothing," said the other. "Mine came back with a sympathy card stuck between the cheeks of her butt that said, 'From all of us at the Fire Station, Well never forget you!'

Re: A drunken man walks into a biker bar.....

A man escapes from prison where he has been for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns and finds a young couple in bed.

He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair, while tying the girl to the bed he gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom. While he's in there, the husband tells his wife:

"Listen, this guy's an escaped convict, look at his clothes! He probably spent lots of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck." If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain, do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is probably very dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll kill us. Be strong, honey. I love you."

To which his wife responds: "He wasn't kissing my neck. He wwas whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, thought you were cute, and asked me if we had any vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love you too!!"

Re: A drunken man walks into a biker bar.....

Two zebras are talking and one asks the other, "Am I black with white stripes or white with black stripes?" The other replies, "Well I don't know. You should pray to God about that and ask him." So that night he did and God replied, "You are what you are." The next day he said to the other zebra, "I still don't understand what I am because God just said, You are what you are." The second zebra responds, "You must be white with black stripes or else God would have said, Yo is what yo is."

Re: A drunken man walks into a biker bar.....

A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced ten husbands.

On their wedding night, she told her new husband, "Please be gentle, I'm still a virgin."

"What?" said the puzzled groom.

"How can that be if you've been married ten times?"

"Well, Husband #1 was a sales representative: he kept telling me how great it was going to be.

Husband #2 was in software services: he was never really sure how it was supposed to function, but he said he'd look into it and get back to me.

Husband #3 was from field services: he said everything checked out diagnostically but he just couldn't get the system up.

Husband #4 was in telemarketing: even though he knew he had the order, he didn't know when he would be able to deliver.

Husband #5 was an engineer: he understood the basic process but wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art method.

Husband #6 was from finance and administration: he thought he knew how, but he wasn't sure whether it was his job or not.

Husband #7 was in marketing: although he had a nice product, he was never sure how to position it.

Husband #8 was a psychologist: all he ever did was talk about it.

Husband #9 was a gynecologist: all he did was look at it.

Husband #10 was a stamp collector: all he ever did was... God! I miss him! But now that I've married you, I'm really excited!"

"Good," said the new husband, "but, why?"

"You're a lawyer. This time I know I'm gonna get screwed!"

Re: A drunken man walks into a biker bar.....

^ classic!

Re: A drunken man walks into a biker bar.....

A Doctor wanted to get off work and play golf, so he approached his Irish assistant Paddy., "I am going golfing tomorrow Paddy and I don't want to close the clinic. I want you to take care of the clinic and take care of all of our patients."

"Yes, sir!" answers Paddy.

The doctor goes off to golf and returns the following day and asks: "So, Paddy, how was your day?"

Paddy told him that he took care of three patients.

"The first one had a headache so I gave him Panadol."

"Bravo Mate and the second one?" asks the doctor.

"The second one had stomach burning and I gave him Asprin".

"Excellent. You're good at this and what about the third one?" asks the doctor.

"Well, I was sitting here and suddenly the door opens and a woman enters. Like a woman possessed, she undresses herself, taking off everything including her bra and her panties and lies down on the table, spreading her legs and shouts: 'HELP ME! For five years I haven't seen a man!'"

"Good God?" says the doctor."What did you do?"

"I put some eye drops in her eyes!"

Re: A drunken man walks into a biker bar.....

A little boy about 12 years old is walking down the street dragging a flattened frog on a string behind him. He came up to the doorstep of "a house of ill repute" and knocked on the door. When the Madam answered it, she saw the little boy and asked what he wanted. He said, "I want to have sex with one of the women inside. I have the money to buy it, and I'm not leaving until I get it. The Madam figured, why not, so she told him to come in. Once in, she told him to pick any of the girls he liked. He asked, "Do any of the girls have any diseases?" Of course the Madam said "No". The boy said, "I heard all the men talking about having to get shots after making love with Amber - THAT'S the girl I want." Since the little boy was so adamant and had the money to pay for it, the Madam told him to go to the first room on the right. He headed down the hall dragging the squashed frog behind him. Ten minutes later he came back, still dragging the frog, paid the Madam, and headed out the door. The Madam stopped him and asked, "Why did you pick the only girl in the place with a disease, instead of one of the others?" He said, "Well, if you must know, tonight when I get home, my parents are going out to a restaurant to eat, leaving me at home with a baby-sitter. After they leave, my baby-sitter will have sex with me because she just happens to be very fond of cute little boys. She will then get the disease that I just caught.

When Mum and Dad get back, Dad will take the baby-sitter home. On the way, he'll give her one in the car and he'll catch the disease. Then when Dad gets home from the baby-sitter's, he and Mum will go to bed and have sex, and Mum will catch it. In the morning when Dad goes to work, the Milkman will deliver the milk, have a quickie with Mum and catch the disease, and HE'S the prick who ran over my FROG!"!!!!!!!

Re: A drunken man walks into a biker bar.....

3 naked men in a sauna, an american , japenese and a irishman . they heard a beeping sound . the american touches his arm and says thats my pager i have a microchip under my skin . next a phone rings and the japanese man lifts his plam 2 his ear , and he says i have a microchip in my hand. irishman feeling very lowtech went 2 the toilet and came backwith toilet paper hanging from his arse . he says

"oh jaysus, would you look at that, lm getting a fax

Re: A drunken man walks into a biker bar.....

Two friends, a blonde and a redhead, are walking down the street and pass a flower shop where the redhead sees her boyfriend buying her flowers.

The Redhead sighs and says: "Oh crap, my boyfriend is buying me flowers again."

The blonde looks quizzically at her and says: "You don't like getting flowers from your boyfriend?"

The redhead replies: "I love getting flowers, but he always has expectations after giving me flowers, and I just don't feel like spending the next three days on my back with my legs in the air."

The blonde says: ........"Don't you have a vase?"

Re: A drunken man walks into a biker bar.....

I was at the mall the other day eating at the food court. I noticed an old man watching a teenager sitting next to him. The teenager had spiked hair in all different colors: green, red, orange, and blue. The old man kept staring at him. The teenager would look and find the old man staring every time. When the teenager had enough, he sarcastically Asked, "What's the matter old man, never done anything wild in your Life?"

The old man did not bat an eye in his response, "I got really really drunk once and ended up screwing a parrot....... I was just wondering if you were my son."

Re: A drunken man walks into a biker bar.....

A teacher asks her class to use the word "contagious". Roland the teacher's pet, gets up and says, "Last year I got the measles and my mum said it was contagious."

"Well done, Roland," says the teacher. "Can anyone else try?"

Katie, a sweet little girl with pigtails says, "My grandma says there's a bug going round, and it's contagious."

"Well done, Katie," says the teacher. "Anyone else?"

Little Irish Sean jumps up and says in a broad Dublin accent, "Our next door neighbour is painting his house with a 2 inch brush, and my dad says it will take the contagious."

Re: A drunken man walks into a biker bar.....

Northern Irish is a relatively simple language to learn, but there are many stumbling blocks! We are here to help you avoid situations that may arise if you can't understand what a Belfastian is saying to you.

This simple guide to Northern Irish will entertain as well as educate.

If you are from Northern Ireland and are visiting this page, don't think you know all the things in this site. The are plenty of Northern Irish people who don't understand Northern Irish.

A Afeard - scared Ah - I or me, ie Ah don't feel well Aminal -common mispronounciation of Animal Amptinat? -I most definitely am. Arsehole -calling someone a rectum Aye -meaning "yes" B Balleex -"bollocks" Thats balleex - Used in context when disagreeing with someone Bake -someones face Baltic - quite cold Banjaxed - drunk Bate -beat, I bate her up so ah did Bate The Wife - bottle of cider Beef -male sexual organ ie "Ah slipped her the beef lawst nite" Beezer - Very good, Thats Beezer Beg -wafer thin plastic vessel; good for carrying shopping :also "oul' beg" when referring to an elderly female Blurt -Slang for female genetalia Boggen - dirty, unclean Boulin' -messing about Bout Ye -"Hello" Brave - large Brew - weekly benefit Buggered -broken C Cameracorder -grannies use of the word "camcorder" Cheeser -like Beezer, meaning "very good" or "exellent" Chicken -child slang for "afraid" Chinks -popular Chinese food Take Aways Childer -children Cracker -not something you put cheese on, means beezer Creamed -tired D Dander -a walk, ie I'm goin fer a dander Dawg -canine, dog Digikil -common mis-prounciation of "Digital" Drawers -underwear Dour -a door Duncher -Cap E Earlee-er -before the present Eejit -derived from "Idiot", means "Idiot" Eff Aaf - fuk Off F FaakAaf - Excuse me my good man, kindly vacate the premises Faaler -father Fally - follow Fillum -a movie or film Fingy -someone whose name you can't remember Frig -polite word for "fuk", also used: Flip Flour - a floor Fut - foot G Gat -slang, You're a wee gat or get Geg -fun, "Ats a geg" Getawaydafuck -go away now Givuz -give me Glass -Half-Pint Goes -replaces the word "Said" ie And I goes: What? Are you slabberin'?" And then she goes, "Yip." Gutties -training shoes H Happy Days - that's good Hardly -meaning "Thats not true" ie Hardly now. Hardly. Hectic - See Mad Heel -not to be confused with the back of your foot, means end of a loaf Heerzme - "And then I said..." Hippy - someone who likes Bon Jovi Houl On -please wait J Job -activity usually carried out under the cover of night Joken -joking K Kudn't -couldn't ie Ah kudn't do that... L Lairdindeyit -please do start eating (or drinking) see also "wiredintillit" Leenantarsapees -Famous Italian landmark Lifted - arrested Lingo -language M Mad - See Hectic Mairshen - Emersion Heater Magic -not tricks, but another word meaning great or good Majassif - large Mawn -a man, male Meat Wagon -RUC Landrovers Melt -no actual meaning, used as: "I'll knock your melt in" Messages - weekly shopping Milly -name given to teenage females. See also: Steek Moufycunt - rather outspoken person Mucker -a friend or mate Muller -Mother or "Ma" N Nek it - drink that drink in one Nice One -that was good Norman -bullying term for someone with no friends Norwegain - Another Gin please Now Yer Sucken Deezel -that's a good way of going about that O Offees -alchohol retailer Oi -a yelp for someones attention ie Oi! You! C'mere!" Oxters -Armpits P Pat - container in which food is boiled Prably -maybe, its likely Passion -heavy rain in Ballymena Parfil - strong Peeler -a police officer Piece -sandwich Pot - short for Patrick Pssskety -common misprounciation of "Spaghetti" Pump - to urinate Purdie -countryside slang for Potato Q Quim -slang for female genetalia R Ragin' -angry, Ahm bloody ragin' so ah am. Ration -you'd be doing this if you were trying to get to somewhere in a hurry, in Ballymena Rare -not to be confused with "scarce", means crap S Samitch -mispronunciation of "Sandwhich" Scundered - embarrassed Sebm -seven [7] Shap -shop Shar -a shower Sicken' Ye - would annoy you Skinned Ye! - Haha my good friend, I do believe I won that particular game by a significant margin Slabber -someone who makes bad comments about you behind your back or to your face Spoofen - lying Spide - see Steek Spoon -someone with a low IQ Steek -male with bad dress and hair sense Stroked - stolen / ripped off T Ta -Thank You Tarl - a towel Theee -the number three Theee Leet - 3 litre bottle of cider Till -replaces the word "to" ie Goin till the shap" Tube -see: Spoon Two Leet - 2 litre bottle of cider U Undurstawnd -understand ie Do ye undurstawnd me? V Vaka -Vodka W Weaker -yet another word for "brilliant" Welt -male genitals Wee -put in front of words such as "drink", "dander", and basically anything Wick -not exactly brilliant Willik - nose Wiredintillit -"Got wiredintillit earlee-er" Windie -a window Windielickurs -horrid term for the mentally disadvantaged Windie Still -a window sill Wooden One -not a clever person X X-Acktlee -exactly Y Yermaa -an insult said when nothing else can be thought of Yeegittin? -Are you being served? Yip -yes Yousens - When addressing more than one person Z Zabra/Zedbra -Zebra

Re: A drunken man walks into a biker bar.....

A man went to a whorehouse to get some practice performing oral sex on his wife. The woman at the front desk gave him a key and told him to go to room 319.

The man walked into the room and met the lady of the evening. He told her why he was there, so she gave him a few pointers and then told him to go for it.

So, the man began performing oral sex and he was, by her reaction, pretty good at it. But something strange happened. A couple of minutes into the deed, he felt something in his mouth. He spit it into his hand and found a piece of carrot.

"Oh man, that's nasty!" he thought, but he said nothing and continued.

A couple of minutes later, he came up with a pea.

"Damn, can't take much more of this. There's something wrong with this bitch." But again, he said nothing and gave it one more shot.

A couple of minutes later, he came up with a piece of chicken. He couldn't stand it any longer.

"I can't do this anymore! I'm gonna throw up!"

"That's funny," remarked the hooker, "that's what the last guy did."

Re: A drunken man walks into a biker bar.....

Mick said to Paddy "Close your curtains the next time your shaggin your wife!".

"Why?" said Paddy.

"Because yesterday you were shaggin her and the whole street was out watching and laughing at you!"

"Well" said Paddy, "The jokes on them idiots, I wasn't even home yesterday!"

Re: A drunken man walks into a biker bar.....

[QUOTE=GAVIN.MCAVOY;794456]A teacher asks her class to use the word "contagious". Roland the teacher's pet, gets up and says, "Last year I got the measles and my mum said it was contagious."

"Well done, Roland," says the teacher. "Can anyone else try?"

Katie, a sweet little girl with pigtails says, "My grandma says there's a bug going round, and it's contagious."

"Well done, Katie," says the teacher. "Anyone else?"

Little Irish Sean jumps up and says in a broad Dublin accent, "Our next door neighbour is painting his house with a 2 inch brush, and my dad says it will take the contagious."[/QUOTE]

now that was funny!

Re: A drunken man walks into a biker bar.....

whats the difference between an eithiopian and a pair of jeans? a pair of jeans only has one fly on them!!!

Re: A drunken man walks into a biker bar.....

U.K. X-FACTOR JOKE

what do you call a woman with two cunts????

john and edwards mum!!

Re: A drunken man walks into a biker bar.....

irishman takes his goldfish to the vet and tells him he thinks its got epilepsy. the vet says ''it looks calm enough to me'' paddy says to the vet ''aye,you havent seen him out of the tank yet!!''