Re: A drunken man walks into a biker bar.....

I'm having flashbacks to high school and watching all the class bullies in action :lol:

Re: A drunken man walks into a biker bar.....

heres a fuckin joke weirdos,i seem to remember thats wot this thread is about.......................................... jack and jill went up the hill, so jack could lick jills fanny, he got a shock and a mouthfull of cock, 'cause jills a pre op tranny

Re: A drunken man walks into a biker bar.....

a 73 year old woman is in court for streaking at the Chelsea Flower Show................ she was let off with a caution and awarded 1st prize for Best Dried Arrangement!

Re: A drunken man walks into a biker bar.....

hahaha

Re: A drunken man walks into a biker bar.....

a nurse finds a mental patient rubbing his cock between 2 biscuits! she asks 'wot in gods name are you doing?' he replies 'im fucking crackers!!'

Re: A drunken man walks into a biker bar.....

[IMG]http://www.yourjokes.co.uk/joke_pics/jk944.jpg[/IMG]

Re: A drunken man walks into a biker bar.....

A woman was shopping at her local supermarket where she selected:

2 Litres of low fat milk 6eggs 2 litres of orange juice A lettuce half a dozen tomatoes a 500g jar of coffee a 250g pack of bacon

As she was unloading her items on the conveyor belt to check out, a drunk was standing behind her watching. While the till operator was ringing up her purchases, the drunk calmly said "You must be single."

The woman was a bit startled by this, but she was intrigued by the derelict’s intuition, since she was indeed single. She looked at her six items on the belt and saw nothing particularly unusual about them that could have tipped off the drunk to her marital status. Curiosity getting the better of her, she said, "Well, you know what, you’re absolutely correct. But how on earth did you know that?"

The drunk replied, "Cos you’re fucking ugly."

Re: A drunken man walks into a biker bar.....

Humpty Dumpty sat on his bed As little Bo Beep was giving him head Just as he came she began to weep She could tell by the taste he’d been shaggin her sheep!!

Re: A drunken man walks into a biker bar.....

[B]Guess what this is ...[/B]

"Fuck off !!" "No it’s my turn !!" "But you had it earlier let me have it you bastard" "Bollocks I’m not finished"

Siamese twins having a wank

Re: A drunken man walks into a biker bar.....

There were these two statues in a park; one of a nude man and one of a nude woman. They had been facing each other across a pathway for a hundred years, when one day an angel comes down from the sky and, with a single gesture, brings the two to life.

The angel tells them, "As a reward for being so patient through the hundred blazing summers and dismal winters, you have been given life for thirty minutes to do what you’ve wished to do the most."

He looks at her, she looks at him and they go running behind the shrubbery. The angel waits patiently as the bushes rustle and the giggling ensues. After fifteen minutes, the two return, out of breath and laughing.

The angel tells them, "Um, you have fifteen minutes left. Would you care to do it again ?" He asks her, "Shall we ?" She eagerly replies, "Oh yes, let’s! But let’s change positions.

This time, I’ll hold the pigeon down and you shit on its head !"

Re: A drunken man walks into a biker bar.....

A dyslexic man walks into a bra.....

Re: A drunken man walks into a biker bar.....

@ the pigeon joke :lol:

Australia has just got it's first female Prime Minister who happens to be a redhead, and childless:D

I can't claim credit for these jokes gravyishot on ITM get's that !! :lol:

first policy: free sunhats and sunblock for all!

now we have a female PM we can pay the position much less and save on taxes.

I hear she actually isn't barren, but has had heaps of children. The reason we've never seen them is because she eats them.

Love the last one in particular :CrackUp::CrackUp::CrackUp::CrackUp::CrackUp:

Re: A drunken man walks into a biker bar.....

[QUOTE=DIDI;871237]@ the pigeon joke :lol:

Australia has just got it's first female Prime Minister who happens to be a redhead, and childless:D

I can't claim credit for these jokes gravyishot on ITM get's that !! :lol:

first policy: free sunhats and sunblock for all!

now we have a female PM we can pay the position much less and save on taxes.

I hear she actually isn't barren, but has had heaps of children. The reason we've never seen them is because she eats them.

Love the last one in particular :CrackUp::CrackUp::CrackUp::CrackUp::CrackUp:[/QUOTE]

I think your jokes are degrading to women and are uncalled for, particularly on the eve of her victory.

[IMG]http://www.gifbin.com/bin/052009/1243271414_black_guy_laughing.gif[/IMG]

Re: A drunken man walks into a biker bar.....

See, I know how to do politically incorrect :lol:

Re: A drunken man walks into a biker bar.....

[QUOTE=DIDI;871239]See, I know how to do politically incorrect :lol:[/QUOTE] :hooray::group hu:

Re: A drunken man walks into a biker bar.....

:lol: :lol: :lol:

Re: A drunken man walks into a biker bar.....

Severe Flood Warnings in the North of England

Caused by the entire population of Scotland pissing themselves laughing.

(from TMB)

Re: A drunken man walks into a biker bar.....

i thought it was the river of tears caused by massive english crying

Re: A drunken man walks into a biker bar.....

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!NEWS FLASH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Northumbria police are offering a £10k reward for any information that might lead to the arrest of Raul Moat................ If hes not caught by next tuesday it goes up to £20k,making it a Raulover!!!

Re: A drunken man walks into a biker bar.....

man city just bid 24 million for raoul moat

they havent a clue who he is but have heard everyone else was after him...............

Re: A drunken man walks into a biker bar.....

A man walks into a gas station and says, "Can I please have a KitKat Chunky?" The lady behind the register gets him a KitKat Chunky and brings it back to him. "No," says the man, "I wanted a normal KitKat, you fat bitch."

Re: A drunken man walks into a biker bar.....

^What gas stations keep their candy behind the counter?

Re: A drunken man walks into a biker bar.....

your missing the point! :lol:

Re: A drunken man walks into a biker bar.....

How do Mexicans stay warm?

They use chicken fajitas.

Re: A drunken man walks into a biker bar.....

[FONT=Verdana]What is the difference between girls/women aged 8, 18, 28, 38, 48, 58, 68, and 78?

At 8: You take her to bed and tell her a story

At 18: You tell her a story and take her to bed

At 28: You don't need to tell her a story to take her to bed

At 38: She tells you a story and takes you to bed

At 48: She tells you a story to avoid going to bed

At 58: You stay in bed to avoid her story

At 68: If you take her to bed, that'll be a story

At 78: What story? What bed? Who the hell are you? [/FONT]

Re: A drunken man walks into a biker bar.....

[FONT=Verdana]Suicide Bombers to go on strike

Muslim suicide bombers in Britain are set to begin a three-day strike on Monday in a dispute over the number of virgins they are entitled to in the afterlife. Emergency talks with Al Qaeda have so far failed to produce an agreement. The unrest began last Tuesday when Al Qaeda announced that the number of virgins a suicide bomber would receive after his death will be cut by 25% this February, from 72 to only 60. The rationale for the cut was the increase in recent years of the number of suicide bombings and a subsequent shortage of virgins in the afterlife.

The suicide bomber's union, the British Organization of Occupational Martyrs (BOOM) responded with a statement that this was unacceptable to its members and immediately balloted for strike action. General Secretary Abdullah Amir told the press, "Our members are literally working themselves to death in the cause of Jihad. We don't ask for much in return, and to be treated like this is like a kick in the teeth."

Speaking from his shed in Tipton in the West Midlands, in which he currently resides, Al Qaeda chief executive Osama bin Laden explained, "We sympathize with our workers concerns, but Al Qaeda is simply not in a position to meet their demands. They are simply not accepting the realities of modern-day Jihad in a competitive marketplace.

Thanks to Western depravity there is now a chronic shortage of virgins in the afterlife. It's a straight choice between reducing expenditure and laying people off. I don't like cutting wages but I'd hate to have to tell 3,000 of my staff that they won't be able to blow themselves up."

Spokespersons for the Union in the north east of England, Ireland, Wales, and the entire Australian continent stated that the strike would not affect their operations, as "there are no virgins in their areas anyway."

Apparently the drop in the number of suicide bombings has been put down to the emergence of Scottish singing star Susan Boyle - now that Muslims know what an actual virgin looks like they are not so keen on going to paradise. [/FONT]

Re: A drunken man walks into a biker bar.....

[FONT=Verdana]Once upon a time, a Prince asked a beautiful Princess... "Will you marry me?"

The Princess said "NO!"

And the Prince lived happily ever after and rode motorcycles and went fishing and hunting and played golf and dated women half his age and drank beer and scotch and had tons of money in the bank and left the toilet seat up and farted whenever he wanted.

The End [/FONT]

Re: A drunken man walks into a biker bar.....

^^ Nice one LMAOF

Re: A drunken man walks into a biker bar.....

[QUOTE=nick007;883085][FONT=Verdana]Suicide Bombers to go on strike

Muslim suicide bombers in Britain are set to begin a three-day strike on Monday in a dispute over the number of virgins they are entitled to in the afterlife. Emergency talks with Al Qaeda have so far failed to produce an agreement. The unrest began last Tuesday when Al Qaeda announced that the number of virgins a suicide bomber would receive after his death will be cut by 25% this February, from 72 to only 60. The rationale for the cut was the increase in recent years of the number of suicide bombings and a subsequent shortage of virgins in the afterlife.

The suicide bomber's union, the British Organization of Occupational Martyrs (BOOM) responded with a statement that this was unacceptable to its members and immediately balloted for strike action. General Secretary Abdullah Amir told the press, "Our members are literally working themselves to death in the cause of Jihad. We don't ask for much in return, and to be treated like this is like a kick in the teeth."

Speaking from his shed in Tipton in the West Midlands, in which he currently resides, Al Qaeda chief executive Osama bin Laden explained, "We sympathize with our workers concerns, but Al Qaeda is simply not in a position to meet their demands. They are simply not accepting the realities of modern-day Jihad in a competitive marketplace.

Thanks to Western depravity there is now a chronic shortage of virgins in the afterlife. It's a straight choice between reducing expenditure and laying people off. I don't like cutting wages but I'd hate to have to tell 3,000 of my staff that they won't be able to blow themselves up."

Spokespersons for the Union in the north east of England, Ireland, Wales, and the entire Australian continent stated that the strike would not affect their operations, as "there are no virgins in their areas anyway."

Apparently the drop in the number of suicide bombings has been put down to the emergence of Scottish singing star Susan Boyle - now that Muslims know what an actual virgin looks like they are not so keen on going to paradise. [/FONT][/QUOTE] So wrong , but sooo funny !! ::roflmao::roflmao::roflmao::roflmao::roflmao:

Re: A drunken man walks into a biker bar.....

[FONT=Verdana]There are four blokes in a prison cell together: a zoophile, a sadist, a necrophiliac and a gay guy.

The zoophile sighs and says, "You know, if there was a cat here I'd f#*k it ‘til I pass out."

The sadist nods, and sighs, "And once you were done with it, I’d torture it until it died."

The necrophiliac leans in and agrees, "Oh yeah, and once it was dead I'd f#*k it ‘til I passed out too."

The gay guy, sitting in the corner, very softly says "miaow". [/FONT]

Re: A drunken man walks into a biker bar.....

First-year students at Med School were receiving their first anatomy class with a real dead human body. They all gathered around the surgery table with the body covered with a white sheet.

The professor started the class by telling them : “In medicine, it is necessary to have 2 important qualities as a doctor. The first is that you not be disgusted by anything involving the human body.” For an example, the Professor pulled back the sheet, stuck his finger in the butt of the corpse, withdrew it and stuck his finger in his mouth. “Go ahead and do the same thing,”! he told his students.

The students freaked out, hesitated for several minutes, but eventually took turns sticking a finger in the butt of the dead body and sucking on it. When everyone had finished, the Professor looked at them and told them : “The second most important quality is observation. I stuck in my middle finger and sucked on my index finger."

Re: A drunken man walks into a biker bar.....

[FONT=Verdana]ZEN Teachings ...

1. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me for the path is narrow.. In fact, just piss off and leave me alone.

2. Sex is like air. It's not that important unless you aren't getting any.

3. No one is listening until you fart.

4. Always remember you're unique. Just like everyone else.

5. Never test the depth of the water with both feet.

6. If you think nobody cares whether you're alive or dead, try missing a couple of bond repayments.

7. Before you criticise someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticise them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.

8. If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.

9. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.

10. If you lend someone R20 and never see that person again, it was probably well worth it.

11. If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.

12. Some days you are the dog, some days you are the tree.

13. Don't worry; it only seems kinky the first time.

14. Good judgment comes from bad experience ... And most of that comes from bad judgment.

15. A closed mouth gathers no foot.

16. There are two excellent theories for arguing with women. Neither one works.

17. Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your lips are moving.

18. Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it..

19. We are born naked, wet and hungry, and get slapped on our ass - then things just keep getting worse.

20.. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night. [/FONT]

Re: A drunken man walks into a biker bar.....

I answered the front door last night and was surprised to see a policeman. He looked at me, showed me a photo and said "is this your wife sir?"

"Yes" I replied

"I'm very sorry sir but it looks as if she's been in an accident"

"I know" i replied, "but she has a lovely personality"

Re: A drunken man walks into a biker bar.....

A guy gets invited to a fancy dress party and has to come as an emotion.......

After some thought he hits the shops and buys 3 viagra and a box of ready made custard.

He arrives stark naked with a huge erection with the empty box of custard stuck on penis....

The host is horrified and asks him what he is doing.........

he says he has come as an emotion .....

He is fucking disgusted!!!

Re: A drunken man walks into a biker bar.....

Did you hear of the frenchman who suffered with OCD?

He washes once a day

Re: A drunken man walks into a biker bar.....

Glass coffins. Do you think they'll ever be a success? Remains to be seen

Re: A drunken man walks into a biker bar.....

[QUOTE=nick007;894297][FONT=Verdana]ZEN Teachings ...

1. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me for the path is narrow.. In fact, just piss off and leave me alone.

2. Sex is like air. It's not that important unless you aren't getting any.

3. No one is listening until you fart.

4. Always remember you're unique. Just like everyone else.

5. Never test the depth of the water with both feet.

6. If you think nobody cares whether you're alive or dead, try missing a couple of bond repayments.

7. Before you criticise someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticise them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.

8. If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.

9. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.

10. If you lend someone R20 and never see that person again, it was probably well worth it.

11. If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.

12. Some days you are the dog, some days you are the tree.

13. Don't worry; it only seems kinky the first time.

14. Good judgment comes from bad experience ... And most of that comes from bad judgment.

15. A closed mouth gathers no foot.

16. There are two excellent theories for arguing with women. Neither one works.

17. Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your lips are moving.

18. Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it..

19. We are born naked, wet and hungry, and get slapped on our ass - then things just keep getting worse.

20.. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night [/FONT][/QUOTE] There is actually some stuff to live by there :lol:

Re: A drunken man walks into a biker bar.....

my computer has been broken for a while as u can see people. but im in the process of getting my 'puter fixed.....................

Re: A drunken man walks into a biker bar.....

[QUOTE=GAVIN.MCAVOY;896280]my computer has been broken for a while as u can see people. but im in the process of getting my 'puter fixed.....................[/QUOTE]

I don't get it?

Re: A drunken man walks into a biker bar.....

:d