Since you like my Bible humor so much I thought it appropriate to give you more

A man was out hunting, and came upon a bear. He shot at the bear, but only nicked him. The bear went after the hunter, and chased him some distance through the woods. Finally the man came to the edged of a cliff, and had no where else to run. As he watched the bear approach, he began to pray. "Dear God give this bear a touch of religion." Suddenly the bear came to an abrupt stop, and looked up toward Heaven and said "Thank you Lord for this food which I am about to eat."

Abraham announced to Isaac one day that he had decided to upgrade their family computer to Windows 95. Isaac said, "But father, we don't have enough memory!" To which Abraham replied, "Don't worry, my son, the Lord will provide the RAM."[URL="http://www.humorshack.com/archive/jokes/bible/5.shtml"] [/URL]

Here are some actual problem sentences found in church and denominational bulletins and/or newsletters

For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.

The rosebud on the altar this morning is to announce the birth of David Alan Belzer, the sin of Rev. and Mrs. Julius Belzer.

This being Easter Sunday, we will ask Mrs. Lewis to come forward and lay an egg on the altar.

Eight new choir robes are currently needed, due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.

Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. proceeds will be used to cripple children.[URL="http://www.humorshack.com/archive/jokes/bible/6.shtml"] [/URL] [URL="http://www.humorshack.com/archive/jokes/bible/1.shtml"]

[/URL]

Re: miketpoto

:CrackUp:

awesome dude...wether religious or not, there are some superfunny ones in there :D

Re: miketpoto

Everything except for the RAM was of amusement to me. Here's something amusing to me too.

[IMG]http://www.illcutyourface.com/media/pics/jesusfucking_thumb.jpg[/IMG]

Re: miketpoto

:| :| :| :|

I'm not a christian and even I feel offended by that, to be an atheist is one thing, but to ridicule anothers belief like that is very careless

Re: miketpoto

thats just wrong

Re: miketpoto

:CrackUp:

Mike, I love it! Humour should be over the edge sometimes guys, it's just a literal interpretation of one the most commonly used swears in English...so what?

pssshhhtt...

Re: miketpoto

Mike get some class you Homo.

Re: miketpoto

humor has its place yao, there's a limit on the vulgarity you choose to describe something that's dear to a lot of people..... and your parents are part of that no limit zone.... throughout my stay here in the US, I find it so odd that people will jump right out and say "yea and so is your mother". While over time I've forced myself to accept it but you couldn't dare to pull that shit off in India. You'd go home with one testicle short of your manhood.

The idea that your liberal jokes (are just jokes) and its ok take them over the edge is the reason people fail to realize their boundaries with humor and create a shit load of problems and issues that could've been kept at bay because of a little bit of empathy for the other persons feelings. The idea is not to laugh at cause you dont believe in it.... I dont believe in jehaadists, but u dont see me mocking allah.....

poor mockery and an even worse explanation / justification if you thought that shit was ok to post

Re: miketpoto

-e- some do not understand. not even if you were their friend and told them it hurts your feelings. some will continue. i believe it is a fear, hate thing. a personal dilemma. it as if they almost have something to prove.

Re: miketpoto

Its the humor behind the picture and the play on words (combined with how completely "wrong" the image is in context) while at the same time it says nothing nor criticizes the religion. As a gay homosexual I hold no negative connotations towards nor do I endorse the bum-bumping, however I also don't think of it as anything that can honestly be construed as evil/hurtful/spiteful....

Is it offensive? hell yeah.... but one should never let things that are in no way attacking and/or demeaning to an individual and/or group get the best of themselves. I have never felt personally attacked by cowardly, however I find his biblical sprinklings to be innapropriate in their contexts or perhaps just their frequency. Am I offended or upset for more than a few seconds afterwards, no. Nor do I intend anything other than initial shock and hopefully a few words on what anyone's reaction to it may be.

I never, EVER, claimed to be athiest.... I think the ridicule of beliefs is a stretch for my last posting, as it has nothing to say about the validity or integrity of any of the teachings of Christianity. ( I have technically broken "big" commandments, but thats my cross to bear and is in no way imparted onto anyone else)

Essentially, I apologize for any pain anyone has felt due to any of my postings, I don't ever intend for that as an outcome, but I will share my thoughts on things.... and shit that makes me laugh, even out of sheer ridiculousness. That last post of mine in no way has any association to any individual's feelings.... if anyone's beliefs are so strong and resolute to the point of finding no humor in it, then conversely it should have no affect on what you hold sacred as it does nothing to prevent that.

Re: miketpoto

mike go back to sleep.;)

perhaps it was too early for -e- and I. :lol:

Re: miketpoto

very poor justification poto, for a person (who in my mind) holds an extremely high level of comprehension to most things that would skip under most commoners.... to let your intelligence use something so "cheap" (for a lack of a better word) in an unintelligent "sexual" connotation way makes it even worse cause it shows a "deliberate attempt" on your part, which in my opinion is far worse than mindless humor....

And how on earth can you say it cannot be construed as evil / hurtful / spiteful when you know well how it would be greeted and u still went ahead and posted it in a thread that belongs to someone who is so deep rooted in his beliefs in christianity when you have the very God he worships in an image like that

this was low mikey, sorry to have to say that but it really fucked up saturday morning having to see that

Re: miketpoto

and for the record, I am staying with friends, one of whom happens to be a lutheran minister.... and he thought it was hysterical and brushed it off as retarded at worst.

And by retarded I mean, "they can do ANYTHING"...

I didn't start this thread, nor did I design or create that image (its from a t-shirt site that acknowlegdes itself as offensive),

NOR DID I GET ANYTHING OTHER THAN A [U]"don't let it get to ya"[/U] FROM BOARD ADMIN WHEN I WAS PERSONALLY AND PUBLICLY RIDICULED AND DEGRADED BY A CERTAIN beanzncheez, "He's just always been like that, and it's quirky so we keep him around"

[COLOR="red"]remember that dismissal of respect in regard to it's intentions, just for old time's sake.[/COLOR] I am over that, and hold it against no one, but I bring it up only because it's fitting for this situation.

Re: miketpoto

another thing fitting to this situation would be an edit/delete of that post. that picture was in no way funny/hysterical/retarded. It was of poor taste and total disrespect. And if someone (who doesnt frequent the board anymore) has offended you in the past it is shameful, but it does not justify something this low.

i dont know you and so i have nothing to say in regards to you or your person. this is only in regards to your post. do as all a favor and get rid of it. cheers

Re: miketpoto

When I made this thread it was in a humorus jest to perhaps crack a smile for a few people and even you.

I can see you are a distaseful person and I do not believe that you thought this would be humorus. I an convinced that you intended to insult me and religion. I do not care and am not insulted. I am sad for you. I know what lies ahead for people who are insistent to do evil. I hope that somewhere in your life someone can show you the right way and I will pray for you. I am willing to teach you about the Bible and show you how to understand it.

Hate the sin but love the sinner.

Re: miketpoto

[QUOTE=miketpoto]As a gay homosexual[/QUOTE] wouldn't that make you straight? :lol:

humor is humor guys... get over it. if you don't think it's funny just don't laugh. you need to realize America's culture is built around our European rebel/outcast ancestors. We're bound to piss everyone off, just by our nature. I thought that picture was hilarious :not me:

Re: miketpoto

To clarify, I am in no way suggesting that I am deliberately offending people because I was offended in the past. I am merely stating that it was overwhelmingly tolerated, it was blatant in it's personal attack directly towards me, and for whatever fucked reasons was somehow more socially acceptable.

And secondly, i won't delete that post for many reasons (aside from those not reading today having the chance to add/comment/judge/laugh/etc) some of which are...

1- We are all grown-ups, if you dont appreciate the posting then dont repeat-view it.

2- I grew up Catholic and was an alter-boy for several years, my other side of the family is "devoutly" bornagain-christian, my older sister was a minister for 10 years, I have a very good friend who is a lutheran minister, so if we go by baptism/confirmation status you 'could' classify me as christian.

3- If all your offense taken and geniuine hurt from this is that of feeling disrespected, then weigh out the impact of that on your life compared to being denied equal rights using religious justification in a country that was founded and supposedly governed with a separation of church and state. I'm sorry I can't sympathize more with you than this, but then again, I also havent said one damn negative thing about anyone's faith or entitlement to their own beliefs.

4- Insert Censorship Rant Here. Cause do I really need to?

5- If you aren't going to like me due to this, and you find it impossible to think of me as a good person knowing I posted this link to a fucked-up t-shirt, then go ahead and dislike me. I have a very large group of great friends/acquaintances/associates that have known me for quite some time and seem to be able to "deal" with my sense of humor or things that I find funny. And by all means please, be up front about how you feel, I only request that if it is not wanting to look at that "t-shirt design" that you refrain from doing so by voluntarily returning to this thread.

6- Yes I know this sounds bitchy and defensive, but if my apology and explanation of non-malicious intent [I]etc[/I] isn't accepted or is repeatedly questioned, I am going to put it into perspective for you.

Now smile, go about your life, laugh out loud that I actually just got called EVIL and added another name to the list of people who will pray for little old me.

Re: miketpoto

drama. fuck 'em all and quit trying to explain yourself.

Re: miketpoto

[quote=cowardly dj]

I hope that somewhere in your life someone can show you the right way and I will pray for you. I am willing to teach you about the Bible and show you how to understand it.

Hate the sin but love the sinner.[/quote]

this i find far more offensive than the picture . that somehow mike is below you because he dosn't follow the path you chose . that he is not enlightened as you . THIS IS MY HUGE HANGUP ABOUT RELIGIOUS PEOPLE . they believe they are above you moraly , spiritualy and mentaly and that us non-believers should have their pitty upon us . the pic was tasteless but amusing . but getting all sanctamonious and i'm better than you is far more insulting .

btw CDJ i know ure gonna start typing out a " o you do not understand me becasue u don't have the intelligence reply" .fucking save it for someone who cares

Re: miketpoto

Yea Mike just do like me:

:EvilFlic: to everyone that bashed Mike for posting it, and me for liking it. Humour is not universal, neither are the boundaries of it. It don't disrespect you guys, I just disagree.

And I am personally getting a bit annoyed by this arrogant tone of you Cowardly, no matter how good your jokes may be (i've had a genuinely good laugh more than once over your posts dude). You read the Bible and believe in God, I don't.

[quote]I can see you are a distaseful person and I do not believe that you thought this would be humorus. I an convinced that you intended to insult me and religion. I do not care and am not insulted. I am sad for you. I know what lies ahead for people who are insistent to do evil. I hope that somewhere in your life someone can show you the right way and I will pray for you. I am willing to teach you about the Bible and show you how to understand it.[/quote]

I could say many extremely offensive and angry things to this, but i'm not going to. Don't be sad for us sinners mate, we do actually enjoy this life :D Pray as much as you want, it won't help. I have other friends that think it's necessary to pray for me, even though I tell them it's useless.

Do you really think that if I shout out loud that I don't believe in your god, but still try to be a good man for my own reasons, he would deny me? Dude, if everything was depending on citing a bloody book, i'd be very dissapointed. apart from that, your fave book has been one of the most abused tools to control people.

There is no religion, there is just power. Have fun reading that shit, but you won't control me...

Re: miketpoto

I like bart.

Next decent sankeys night bart, you can buy me a beer.

ok?

Re: miketpoto

that place a lil too rough for me MJ ..

Re: miketpoto

[QUOTE=bart_smastard]that place a lil too rough for me MJ ..[/QUOTE]

Mate, in all honesty you havent got a clue what youre on about. I love your worldly knowledge and your ability to articulate it on this board but on this subject you know jack shit!

After 5 years of Sankey nights behind me I`ve found it to be one of the most atmosheric (especialy the Morrilo nights) and friendly nights there is to be had. You should try it man...

... and I`LL buy the Stellas.

Re: miketpoto

[quote=bart_smastard]this i find far more offensive than the picture . that somehow mike is below you because he dosn't follow the path you chose . that he is not enlightened as you . THIS IS MY HUGE HANGUP ABOUT RELIGIOUS PEOPLE . they believe they are above you moraly , spiritualy and mentaly and that us non-believers should have their pitty upon us . the pic was tasteless but amusing . but getting all sanctamonious and i'm better than you is far more insulting .

btw CDJ i know ure gonna start typing out a " o you do not understand me becasue u don't have the intelligence reply" .fucking save it for someone who cares[/quote]

How you can pull that I think I am better than mike and he is below me out of what I posted is simply ridiculous.

Most free thinking people would understand what I said as a gesture of good will.

Are you serious?

Re: miketpoto

ure right MJ , iv'e not been to Sankeys for 8-9 years . and i hear they do have some great nights on .. it's just the Ancoats thing and no decent bar within a mile that has put me off in the past . next big night though i may give it a crack on your recommendation . i guess i'm just too accustomed to drinking down at the locks

Re: miketpoto

[quote=cowardly dj]How you can pull that I think I am better than mike and he is below me out of what I posted is simply ridiculous.

Most free thinking people would understand what I said as a gesture of good will.

Are you serious?[/quote]

that your way is the right way . ( that you know better) that you will pray for him .( pitty ) that you will teach him . ( that you are more intelligent )

i am a lil worse for wear i been out all day due to football . but even i can read between the lines of what you was saying . 9 times out of 10 i write things the way i do to provoke the reaction i want . i seldom type without thinking of what type of response i'll generate . my speciality is comming accross as a cunt and this method of writing i have perfected over the years . but i am aware i am doing it .. ARE YOU

at least i know i'm an asshole. it's the ones who don't know they are, that piss me off

Re: miketpoto

[QUOTE=bart_smastard] no decent bar within a mile that has put me off in the past[/QUOTE]

Well Ill take your point on that as Im not of the Mancunian persuasion.. Im from over the right side of the pennines. :p I travel over from Huddersfiled and dont usualy arrive till club time so I`m not sure of what bars are near.

Fuck that anyway, get trollied round your local area then get a cab about 11.30ish just when its getting warmed up. Ill be the one on the dance floor with the biggest smile.

Stella in hand of course.

Re: miketpoto

Hey Cowardly...what's this need of yours to even say anything in the first place?

If you don't come from a "better than though, love the sinner hate the sin" standpoint, then why even go out of your way to spank Poto.

If I saw someone wearing that shirt out in public, it would make me laugh. Just let him do what he wants...it's a funny pic.

and what the hell is it with that judgemental bullsh@*t about "hate the sin, love the sinner?" Don't you know it's: "Love the Player, hate the Game!" duh. So stop playa hating, Cowardly.

Re: miketpoto

[QUOTE=cowardly dj] How you can pull that I think I am better than mike and he is below me out of what I posted is simply ridiculous. Most free thinking people would understand what I said as a gesture of good will.

Are you serious? [/QUOTE]

I was going to put footnotes and draw conclusions proving how serious I am, but I think that Cowardly, your words speak for themselves. I am an eensy weensy bit curious to hear which sins of mine you hate whilst loving me like you do.

[QUOTE=cowardly dj]I can see you are a distaseful person and I do not believe that you thought this would be humorus. I an convinced that you intended to insult me and religion. I do not care and am not insulted. I am sad for you. I know what lies ahead for people who are insistent to do evil. I hope that somewhere in your life someone can show you the right way and I will pray for you. I am willing to teach you about the Bible and show you how to understand it. Hate the sin but love the sinner.[/QUOTE]

As for not believing in my sense of humor (I'm not suggesting you share or agree with it mind you) ye of little faith, trust me, if I meant to simply insult you and religion you would have defintely known it.

And thanks for the offer, but I'm all set should I need a bible tutor in the future, as you probably recall I have a good friend whom I am actually staying with for the time being who is a Minister, and without any documentation as to your qualifications/certifications I had to go with him as first choice. I didn't think you'd have a problem with that since you no longer have to spend so much time being sad for me.

Oh yeah, YAO..... I think that you, and your fellow Dutchmen need to brush up on being a little more FREE THINKING! You guys just don't seem to get it! Seriously

Re: miketpoto

lol

Sure Mike....You wanna do the preaching in front of Amsterdam Central Station? :D

Re: miketpoto

small town america rears its ugly head.

Re: miketpoto

mike...that 'jesus fucking christ' literally just made me piss my pants. granted it was only a little, but still i just had to go put new boxers on. thanks for that! i need it...the chair i'm sitting on didn't..but i did.

Re: miketpoto

thanks mike. :what haha :lol: i got the joke. but you are still an ass.

i could care less what you post you fucking guy. i was all about the r e s p e c t.

i still love you. :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :p :p :(

Re: miketpoto

[QUOTE=asdf_admin]thanks mike. :what haha :lol: i got the joke. but you are still an ass.

i could care less what you post you fucking guy. i was all about the r e s p e c t.

i still love you. :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :p :p :([/QUOTE]

I still have an unhealthy obsession with you that can be mistaken for Love, but it's the best that I can do. I put the ass back in S a s s y! As far as the r e s p e c t, could you do me a huge favor and see if you can find out what it means to me.

             take care

             TCB

Re: miketpoto

[quote=miketpoto]I . I put the ass back in S a s s y! [/quote]

imma make you a tee shirt with that on it. so true. specially after 2 near incidents last eve where i thought i was going to get hit by one person or another. (they did damn well deserve it though)

Re: miketpoto

PS i cant belive this whole thread blew up during my mid morning nap on the chair.;:p

Re: miketpoto

I can't believe you actually got up and made it back home.

Re: miketpoto

yeah. fucked up. wasnt even that bad with the booze. but i was all types of banged up. BTW, i was too polite, but that gal alex was cute as i can think of.

Re: miketpoto

She seems really sweet, i just met her too, but she has an overprotective Homosexual, but i think he's easily distractable when it comes to pills or something... Rohypnol or something like that.... makes him drowsy.

Re: miketpoto

Hah