i,ve asked kamal to ban my accounts on here as one of my email accounts was hacked and i,m not sure if it was my contact details for here ( haven't checked yet ), trying to get on with my life but i,m basically fucked with no future, can't find a job and can't afford to go back to college, since i was diagnosed with a mental health condition i,ve just been on self destruct ever since, only started drinking after that for the first time in my life, i despise alcohol and that made me go back to drugs again, almost died twice choking in my sleep, i still say they got it wrong, i have a story so unbelievable that no one believed it and even though i,ve been sectioned 2 or 3 times now my story has been consistent all the way through, a couple of strange things have happened recently, things like my ears started ringing even though i was listening to music at low levels, i thought i was going to have a stroke the other day after drinking water, i still say my music was stolen in some way and i even went to the government about it, it was the only thing i could do, what happened after that was just fucked, pretty scared to say this but i started to feel as if something was hitting my body out of nowhere and making my muscles twitch but that could of been my diet which was poor, i tried the police first and they did nothing, i was in a right state, i couldn't explain what had happened and was basically suffering from massive paranoia and was panicking so hard, i thought someone was trying to kill me at one point and i ran to Portugal, that experience was just fucked, i was basically out on the streets and in total fear for my life, that was completely screwed, i don't know how to explain it really but i started noticing things like body language and stuff in people and felt like some people were trying to help me and others were not, it felt like people were trying to direct me, it was completely crazy, i even slept in a van that a guy said he was using to smuggle tobacco, i really was that desperate, like i said earlier i was panicking so hard and suffering from complete paranoia, i found a thing on the internet about something similar that old german secret services used to try to drive people to suicide with and that explained the experience just too a tee, the doctors must of had a field day when they saw me as i would have been suffering from every symptom they are trained to spot and of course i had a history of drugs so they would of jumped on that right away, i still say i was set up, it would of been easy if you know what you're doing which i don't, i started to notice that my dad ( a psychiatric nurse with 37 years experience ) started to try to crack me in the same way they do in a mental ward, they use things that happen every day around you, things like coughs and doors banging and stuff, once you're locked into that you are constantly looking for it in everything you hear or see for life, it really fucks you up ( there really is no way out of that one, it just builds up frustration to the point where you snap, it's basically a form of torture btw he's just started doing it again ) and i was arrested by the police and taken to hospital and sectioned under the mental health act and stayed in hospital for 8 weeks, the medicine they gave me basically fucked my life more than the drugs i,ve took in my lifetime, made my brain flat, not somewhere you want to be as a musician, it also gave me other side effects that stopped me from getting on with my life ( lets not go there on that one ),it totally ruined it, i still say that was deliberate for a couple of reasons, that has played on my mind since 2003 or so and i still find it hard to deal with today, i still say what happened to me was real, started noticing similarities in the music i was writing in all the music i was listening to all over the place and started noticing things were happening tied to some of the things i was doing in my life or saying online, things like song names and albums, started hearing things in music i couldn't explain, voices hidden in sounds and vocals were changing all the time, certain lyrics stood out more than others, words like "stick in the wrist", i,m kind of scared to tell you that because it looks like i,m delusional, it was just happening to frequently, scared to tell my doctor that as well if i,m honest, it's hard to explain, i don't really want to talk about that until i see my doctor again, anyway don't want to go on about this any more

to be honest and i know this sounds like paranoia but i,m pretty fearful of my future, i stated noticing pictures of things like torture started to frequent in the websites i was visiting and even seen some child porn on 4chan, scared the shit out of me but i still went back without thinking i could of been set up

anyway i,ll check up on this thread for a little while and i,ll try to keep in touch with as many of you as possible in the future

Re: taking some time out

Bloody hell mate, dunno really where to start with that.

All i can say is I hope you can battle through and solve whatever issues are going on.

Loads of people have fucked up problems, it's just trying to find the best way to deal with them.

Re: taking some time out

Man i don't know you more than of what you post here in MS over the years so it´s very difficult to say something useful but all i can say is go to see your doctor because he is possibly the only one who can give you the help you need now.

Sorry to hear all you have been through

Wish you luck and hope things get a little better quickly, take care.

Re: taking some time out

[QUOTE=GarryX;1190365]Bloody hell mate, dunno really where to start with that.

All i can say is I hope you can battle through and solve whatever issues are going on.

Loads of people have fucked up problems, it's just trying to find the best way to deal with them.[/QUOTE]

i,m fine m8, honestly, just a few things have happened recently that are kinda fucked up, feeling funny after eating food and stuff, trying to detox to solve my skin problems but everything needed to detox seems to make me feel funny when i eat it, it's mad, at an orange yesterday and my ears started ringing so hard, getting itchy sensations in my ear when i listen to music at low levels, the same thing happened last time i went to the arches, went to see the surgeon and as soon as i got into the room my ears started itching and i left instantly, didn't want to mess my hearing up, right now i,m getting popping and crunchy sounds in my ear and i,m getting a strange feeling in my head, light headed, it also feels hot and i,m getting some sharp pains in my head from time to time, also my left hand seems to keep cramping, keep getting pains in my nuts and chest as well, feels like something is hitting off my arsehole from time to time as well, this happened to me before, i can't explain it, popping sounds in my nose the lot, sometimes i hear what sounds like something crawling on my bed sheets, a few other things i can't think of off the top of my head, when i was in a mental ward for the first time i heard something that sounded like my sister crying and calling my name and i,ve heard that a couple of times as well, i,m convinced it's not an auditory hallucination, kind of scared to say this in case i get sectioned again, even hearing sounds that sound like bones cracking

Re: taking some time out

Sounds like anxiety attacks to me. A doctor won't do fuck all, you need to see a counselor.

Re: taking some time out

Back in Jan I had a horrible ear thing where I couldnt hear well out of my left ear, was hearing sounds, plus high pitched voices and kids voices all sounded weird to me, plus an echo. I went to the doctor and got some steroid, not sure of the name, but that thing fucked up who I was, I became a zombie, I was so depressed and my thoughts were dark. I eventually got better and stopped taking that medicine. Hopefully this too shal pass Ban, the sooner the better :)

Re: taking some time out

[QUOTE=Claire Taurus;1190371]Sounds like anxiety attacks to me. A doctor won't do fuck all, you need to see a counselor.[/QUOTE]

i was diagnosed with schizophrenia but like i said i still think the doctors got it wrong, with the right tools and info it would of been easy to set someone up like this especially if that person had a history of drug use, it's hard to explain but if you create a story so out of the ordinary and also give them an experience they can't explain then to a doctor it looks like the person is suffering delusions and the way they test you in a mental ward would crack you no matter what especially if you are going through an experience you can't explain due to you being in total confusion and fearful at the same time, doctors are trained to spot this, i was in a complete state the first time i was diagnosed and once you have that on your record you're basically fucked for life, it basically messed music up for me for life, probably deliberate, cracked me hard, i still don't know how people managed to do this and thought my house was set up with camera's and spyware in my hardware and stuff so i felt like i was trapped and didn't want this to happen again and it broke me hard, i just lost the will to produce any more, when i told the doctors this they must of thought i was paranoid and that was probably the reason they sectioned me

i say it was deliberate because the medicine they give you not only messes with how you feel in the head ( makes you flat and you loss all creativity ) but also gives you other side effects like you can't ejaculate properly and it makes you put on weight and stuff this more or less stopped me from going out and getting into a relationship as i knew if i did the girl would of left me in a second, it has basically ruined my life

Re: taking some time out

I'm not equipped to deal with this, all I can do is to wish you good luck I hope things get better for you.

Re: taking some time out

[QUOTE=Gatz;1190376]I'm not equipped to deal with this, all I can do is to wish you good luck I hope things get better for you.[/QUOTE]

i know the feeling m8, i,ve been battling suicidal thoughts for years due to this probably since about 2002, scared to take anti depressants because the last time i did the thoughts of suicide just got worse, i probably grassed on something big and if it is what i think it is i,m in deep shit. it's p ossible they did this to me because the music is was making was associated with a lot of drug use and it's probably really fucking up the health system in this country hard, i just can't deal with it, it's like watching your best friend die slowly and painfully, if anything though this experience has just made me worse, i,ve probably done more abuse to my system through drugs and drink since being diagnosed for the first time than i ever have in my life, like i said i just went on self destruction, i honestly just can't explain how much i hate them for doing that to me

it's crazy, i make a lot of mistakes and have done a lot of things i,m pretty shameful about drugs, porn drink need i say more, i,m even starting to think that someone is switching the stuff in my house as the key to the front door was created by an electronic card and someone could of cut a key for it before it was given to my family, it's like everything i touch,eat or drink does something to my body, can't get my skin clear,sheets are manky, clothes stinking, computer fucked to name a few other things, i should of spotted that a long time ago, when i worked in a market years ago there was guy who was ex military who had turned to burglary to make a living, i still have part of a hifi he sold to my friend years ago, the more i,m saying here the more paranoid i look and it's scaring the fucking shit out of me, i have no where to turn to

Re: taking some time out

be strong, never give up....there is a lot of shit in this world.... as Confucius said.. [I][B]Our greatest glory is not in never falling,but in rising everytime we fall[/B][/I]

Re: taking some time out

:group hu: take care of yourself Banned, sounds like you have learned a lot and are a stronger person for having made it through some tough times in the past. Try to focus on the future, and look for ways you can add value to anyone anywhere and doors will open. As the world becomes more complex its important to try new ways of getting what you want and need. Volunteering has always helped open doors for me, in one way or another. The truth is.... fot all of dark disgusting disfunction there is in the world it's important to remember there is also a lot of good, light, wonderful and beautiful as well. I think that the internet has a special way of coaxing individuals with mental health issues into thinking they are receiving true connections online and that's enough. Truth is, online should be brief entertainment at most, and not perceived as anything more than that. It can lead to a lot of pure nonsense and bullshit, and further confuse people who are already confused.

Re: taking some time out

When my son was little , and not so little , I used to stroke his head to make things better . I so wish I could that for you. :(

You have done an amazing job keeping it together here seeing what you are going through .

Re: taking some time out

the more i say the more i look paranoid or delusional, it's like i,m being driven to either suicide or madness in ways i can't really explain, i keep hearing strange noises and hearing threats to my life and my family's life words like "i,m going to find you and when i do i,m going to torture you" "strange moaning sounds coming from the wall" words hidden in natural sounds like footsteps, i think i grassed on military operation as crazy as that sounds, it couldn't of been anything else there was just too much coincidence in some of the things that happened in portugal for it to have been anything else, groups of people using the same signals ( touching their shades and other things like that ) and other body language, it would be easy for them to make me look crazy given the tools they have at hand, guns that fire sound and things like that, you just have to look some of that stuff up on the net, it's the things you can't find on the net that is worrying, i was sectioned for the first time when i came back from portugal and it seems coincidence that the politician i went to see about this was seen at the hospital after i was put in plus the second time i was in there was a patient that told me she had went to the government for help and she ended up sectioned as well not even to mention the other scottish politician i saw while i was in portugal, again it looks like i,m completely paranoid here but a couple of things have seemed to fall into place, it's like i,m being murdered and they are making it look natural, i keep hearing strange noises like crunching in my pillow and other things but of course i have a history of mental illness so if you have the right tools it would be easy to set someone up for that again, i still to this day don't believe i,m mad, i just don't have no way of proving it, when i was working in the steel yard ( my last job ) i was the only one to have a decent face mask as i was working with supposedly carcinogenic material and that was one of the first things to go missing, i remember putting on my face shield and the strap was burning my forehead the place was even broke into during the time i was there... right now i,m not even listening to music or anything and my ears have started ringing again, i,m basically fucked with nowhere to go

Re: taking some time out

it would of been easy to steal the music i was doing because i was using warez and that would of been full of viruses and all sorts and the computer i was using for my my midi stuff was connected to the internet at the time, i remember my hard drive crashing out of the blue after all my midi dumps and samples were on it, i lost 2 gigs worth of stuff ( a lot in the dial up days ), i stopped using that computer when i bought my own and cleared it of all the software and my other computer wasn't even connected to the net and this was when i started to have "delusions", hearing strange noises in music and hearing phrases of words that seemed to coincidentally coincide with the things i was doing, example, i would light up a cigarette and i would hear "ew" and other strange things like that i think that technique is called gaslighting, they do that in mental wards,, it was after i moved my computer from the kitchen to the bedroom i started noticing a lot of similarities in the music i was hearing all over the place that seemed to sound like the stuff i was writing mysel, it's probably even easier now as when you buy the software you're address and email are stored in the accounts you bought the software from and people are probably hacking them left right an center, beatport accounts the lot, nothing is really secure, passwords are fucked plus i,ve been on the forums and stuff and that logs your i.p. and stuff, you're not even secure with a vpn or anything against a decent hacker

Re: taking some time out

You probably should consult with a mental health specialist who can help you understand what is normal that you are experiencing and can be fixed by diet, sleep, excercise and what is not normal and requires medication. As all of us age, our mental, physical, emotional (and I would add spiritual) health has to be earned and fought for to be maintained or increased. Letting days go by without purpose or direction and not doing the necessary things like seeing your doctor or going to Yoga only make things harder and more difficult. putting toxic things into your mind/body also make things worse, they only seem better temporarily. Keep fighting and know that you deserve to feel safe and not paranoid or fearful. But you gotta do the hard work of getting well before things get out of hand. And you have to be disciplined with yourself - taking care of yourself and not letting that l darkness find a home in your mind/spirit/soul. (Typing from cell phone). Sounds like taking a long break from electronic music is also in order.

Everyone on here is going through something and trying to be well, some have more mental health issues than others though specifically. I'm not a doctor but it sounds like you might have tenitis - my Dad has that, and the hand cramping and voices seem like possible schizophrenia - but go see a mental health professional - the alternative is dangerous especially unmedicated. I am only speaking from knowing people with similar symptoms I am not a doctor.

Re: taking some time out

i also keep hearing the phrase "this music is finished in this country" and "your finished no matter what" "good eye or tinnitus" ( i have dark circles around my eye ) and everything i,m eating to try to fix my skin problem is making my ears pop and giving me tinnitus, it's funny because it's only started happening in the past couple of days and i,ve been listening to my ipod at very low levels, god i,m going to sound really fucking crazy by saying this but i think it's a weapon, my head feels light and everything, i,ve been reading a couple of websites on this stuff and they have sound weapons that can make you deaf, i,m probably committing suicide by saying this, scared i,m going to disapeer or something, the more i say the more paranoid i look, god i,m starting to sound like sakio

Re: taking some time out

[QUOTE=floridaorange;1190405]You probably should consult with a mental health specialist who can help you understand what is normal that you are experiencing and can be fixed by diet, sleep, excercise and what is not normal and requires medication. As all of us age, our mental, physical, emotional (and I would add spiritual) health has to be earned and fought for to be maintained or increased. Letting days go by without purpose or direction and not doing the necessary things like seeing your doctor or going to Yoga only make things harder and more difficult. putting toxic things into your mind/body also make things worse, they only seem better temporarily. Keep fighting and know that you deserve to feel safe and not paranoid or fearful. But you gotta do the hard work of getting well before things get out of hand. And you have to be disciplined with yourself - taking care of yourself and not letting that l darkness find a home in your mind/spirit/soul. (Typing from cell phone). Sounds like taking a long break from electronic music is also in order.

We are all messed up, but trying.[/QUOTE]

my diet is pretty poor to be honest and that is another thing that could suggest i have a mental health problem as schizophrenia can be attributed to bad diet as well, it would of been easy to target someone that way if you knew what you were doing in advance, i swear i still believe i was set up but like i said i have no way of proving it, it's like i,ve been played into a hole and there is no way out

Re: taking some time out

Bad diets just make everything worse but I'm not saying it's the cause. You seem like a smart guy with a good kind soul who could be doing a lot to help others in this world - and after all that's why we are here. I read that there's this snapping technique you can do with your fingers behind your ears that can relieve tennitus / it didn't help my Dad but google it and see for yourself. Tennitus can lead to suicide because it is so tormenting.

Also - there is 100% pure evil and pure good bidding for your attention. You have to decide what you allow to enter your consciousness. Be very careful with what you allow to enter your mind and body. And in the meantime please go see a mental health professional. If you feel like the person is not genuinely trying to help you but rather just medicate you and send you on your way, see someone else. I'm not saying medication is wrong, it's probably a big part of what you need...but you also need a doctor who genuinely cares for your wellbeing.

As for the paranoia issues, those could be related to prior drug use, it's unfortunately common. But could also be from other mental health issues.

Re: taking some time out

[QUOTE=floridaorange;1190408]Bad diets just make everything worse but I'm not saying it's the cause. You seem like a smart guy with a good kind soul who could be doing a lot to help others in this world - and after all that's why we are here. I read that there's this snapping technique you can do with your fingers behind your ears that can relieve tennitus / it didn't help my Dad but google it and see for yourself. Tennitus can lead to suicide because it is so tormenting.

Also - there is 100% pure evil and pure good bidding for your attention. You have to decide what you allow to enter your consciousness. Be very careful with what you allow to enter your mind and body. And in the meantime please go see a mental health professional. If you feel like the person is not genuinely trying to help you but rather just medicate you and send you on your way, see someone else. I'm not saying medication is wrong, it's probably a big part of what you need...but you also need a doctor who genuinely cares for your wellbeing.

As for the paranoia issues, those could be related to prior drug use, it's unfortunately common. But could also be from other mental health issues.[/QUOTE]

i,ve got an appointment with my doctor in a couple of days and i,ll talk to him about it, i,m fucked either way, once you have that on your medical record it sticks with you for life, when that happens it's even easier to set someone up for that for life ( i know that sounds crazy ), this is what happened to me, i had a history of drug use and also had a story so out of the ordinary it looked like i was crazy and delusional and suffering from the effects of drug abuse, i have a hard time dealing with that really, that has more or less fucked everything that was good in my life for the duration of my life, i still say that was deliberate, it would of been easy and like i said previously it has probably done more damage to me since being diagnosed than all the substance abuse i,ve ever done, i just went on self destruction after that, it's like they built me up to a point where i thought i was going to make something of my life and it came crashing down hard, i still can't explain it, in hind side sometimes i think they tried to save my life by getting me sectioned but like i said that didn't work or maybe they didn't, i don't know, i,m pretty confused by all the things that have happened to me in the past 20 years or so, the medication they fed me for that more or less ruined me more than anything, that could be deliberate too because the side effects of that stuff probably lead to more business for medical treatment..example.. makes you depressed and flat so you need to go get anti depressants, i took ssri's for a while and they made me more suicidal than i was to begin with, makes you over weight so that puts strain on other organs so you might need an operation in the future, i was so messed up i just sat at my computer all day from the time i got out of bed to the time i went to bed for years, i started abusing substances more because they were the only things that were blocking the thoughts i was having, drugs and drink but once you're on that road it's a slippery slope especially with a mental health record

Re: taking some time out

watch me go deaf, that is the next thing they're targeting, my ipod is making my ears feel itchy and this computer is making my ears ring, every time i listen to music i,m getting ringing in the ears, it's just to coincidental for it to be a lie

Re: taking some time out

Sorry to hear things are so difficult at present - I have just sent you a PM

Re: taking some time out

[QUOTE=Micko;1190416]Sorry to hear things are so difficult at present - I have just sent you a PM[/QUOTE]

sent a reply, had to break it up into 2 pm's because i exceeded the limit

Re: taking some time out

the same thing as last time is happening, hearing the words "special bastard" and getting crunchy sounds in my ears again same as last time, it seems like it's only happening when i,m eating fruit or drinking water, every time i listen to my ipod or sit at this computer i,m getting ringing in my ears, same thing happened last time i was sent daft, i,m no expert on mental health but maybe micko could tell me if there is consistency in patients episodes or is it a different story every time ?

Re: taking some time out

i,m lying in my bed and hearing a sequence of tapping noises that sound like words, hearing words hidden in other sounds, hearing sounds that sound like drips coming from my mouth, everywhere i listen to music is screwing my hearing up fast, no where to listen to music at all, getting pains in my nuts like someone is hitting them with something, my muscles are twitching all over my body, getting strange feelings on my head, cramps in my hand, it's freaking the shit out of me, i,m home alone right now and i,m hearing floorboards upstairs creak like someone is walking about and hearing other sounds around the house that are making me think someone is in the house, keep hearing someone saying "little bastard" like someone is crying when they are saying it and also hearing the same words in other tones like someone is angry

Re: taking some time out

There is so much good will here, it is heartening to read

I will PM rather than post here in the main forum

Re: taking some time out

A brotherly hug, Dom.

Re: taking some time out

I don't know your history with drugs and alcohol but if you are prone to having mental health issues, taking street drugs is a big gamble. In some cases, light use can be good, I think we all know that, but if you over use, that's when things can go south real fast. Assuming you did not use moderately, you may be dealing with the mental repercussions now, later in life, as you get older, and that's not unheard of. My hope is that through medication, diet and exercise you learn to take care of yourself, because the 5 yr old Dom deep down inside you deserves it, even if the adult Dom doesn't think so. Try to get well man, you're a good person with a good heart and deserve it.

Re: taking some time out

[QUOTE=floridaorange;1190434]I don't know your history with drugs and alcohol but if you are prone to having mental health issues, taking street drugs is a big gamble. In some cases, light use can be good, I think we all know that, but if you over use, that's when things can go south real fast. Assuming you did not use moderately, you may be dealing with the mental repercussions now, later in life, as you get older, and that's not unheard of. My hope is that through medication, diet and exercise you learn to take care of yourself, because the 5 yr old Dom deep down inside you deserves it, even if the adult Dom doesn't think so. Try to get well man, you're a good person with a good heart and deserve it.[/QUOTE]

street drugs in this country are just nasty, it's not even the real thing in some cases, it's probably why so many people turned to legal highs, including myself, i,ve took those quite a lot in the past years since they became popular, like i said when i was first diagnosed i just went on self destruction, the only thing i could do was alcohol and i really really hate it so it kind of drove me back to drugs, being high was the only thing that blocked the thoughts and pain ( i know that sounds weird ), when you've been through the mental health system it just messes with you for life, the techniques they use are around you in your everyday life in everything you see and hear, my answer was to just sit at my computer in my room all day and listen to music alone all day, i even struggle to have conversations with people i,ve known for years due to this, you're constantly questioning yourself all the time, it's hard to explain, it just messes with your head more and does more damage than good, it's really hard to look people in the eye sometimes, it breaks you hard, you're constantly looking for it in everything you see and hear, it's basically torture from day one and you are stuck with it for life, you just don't want to step out into the real world, it's a death trap, the drugs are even worse, what they do to your body is just frightening, i was above 200 pounds at one point ( 17 stone ), it has probably damaged my organs all over my body for life, the weight i,ve lost in the past couple of weeks is frightening and probably dangerous

Re: taking some time out

last night i heard a sound like the door being locked after hearing as if someone was moving about the house, i checked and saw no one, i was home myself, i know i,ve said this before but it would of been easy for someone to have a key to my house as the doors fitting needed a key that has to be cut by a special tool and you need a card to cut a new key, scared to leave the house just now in case my house gets broke into or something, i know that sounds like paranoia, been feeling funny after eating food and something and even though i,ve been using anti dandruff shampoo my head is flaking like hell more than it usually is, i know i,ve said this before but i remember years ago in the 90's i worked in a market stall selling warez/cracked software ( cracked by paradox, it was even the same logo when i used to download warez myself years later ) and there was an ex commando or someone military who was a cat burglar and it's suddenly struck me how easy it would of been for someone to have broke into this house and changed all the stuff around the place, that's probably why my computers broke as you could change the bios without even switching the computer on, even without a key people like that know exactly house to get in and out of a house un noticed, could of been murdered or anything lol

Re: taking some time out

The skin on your scalp becomes more sensitive with age, try to use luke warm or cool water on your head in the shower when shampooing. Warm / hot water will cause dandruff. Also a cap size amount of apple cider vinegar will stop dandruff better than that shampoo your are using.

You used to sell illegal software at a market? that's unique! :lol:

Re: taking some time out

[QUOTE=floridaorange;1190451]The skin on your scalp becomes more sensitive with age, try to use luke warm or cool water on your head in the shower when shampooing. Warm / hot water will cause dandruff. Also a cap size amount of apple cider vinegar will stop dandruff better than that shampoo your are using. [/QUOTE]

wtf ? seems like everything i,m touching or eating is screwing me up right now, i don't know what the hell is going on, eating apples and stuff and the next thing that happens is my ears start ringing, i just bought it fresh from the shop as well, eating grapes and my ears start ringing as well, howling farts after eating cheese, i,ve been eating that stuff for years and never had that before, showering everyday and still can't my skin clear, feet all bent, bones all cracking, probably killing myself hard... i,ve just spent all day in the kitchen looking for something to eat and just about everything in the dam place will kill me in some way, full of wheat which you can't really digest properly, stuff from the freezer that is too much but if you take only a small portion the rest is fucked by the time you get back to it so you end up having to throw it away, most people just eat the whole lot instead of throwing it out, this place is death, i said earlier drugs were fucking up the health system but things like this are probably driving people to drugs and drink more than anything, it's a death trap, people are eating more junk food because it's cheaper than buying stuff fresh from the shop and cooking it at home, my body is fucked at 40 and probably no way back, everything in this country that is good for you is just too expensive, i,ve only ever seen one or 2 organic products on the shelf in my whole life and they were really expensive, you can't afford to buy them on a budget and it's screwing everyone left right and center, it's killing people all over the country

Re: taking some time out

meat is all shit, chewy as fuck, veins in it, it's just too expensive to go to a decent butcher so people are buying stuff as cheaply as they can and it's rubbish, peaches in packs of 5 or 6 that turn rotten in 2 or 3 days, fresh apples that are rotten by the time you get them, all the vitamin content in the stuff you buy is gone by the time it reaches your stomach, you don't even know what is in the chemical they spray on the food or the stuff that is in your water, can't even get decent water in scotland, it's causing all sorts of cancers and loads of other health problems, do these poeple even know what happens when certain chemicals are mixed ? god knows what that is doing to people's insides, eating pie's n stuff that are more pastry than meat content and the meat is so drenched in gravy ( god knows whats in that ) and the meat is so poor quality that there it's not even worth eating, i know nothing about diet at all, i,ve only read one or 2 books on it and even with that kind of knowledge i,m seeing problems, a decent meal for one just cost too much to cook, two or 3 pots on the cooker and something in the oven, not to mention how much decent food costs these days itself, things like fish is just too expensive for most people, even looking at what the NHS diet tree ( i think it is called that ) is impossible because there is so many different things you need to buy to have a balanced diet not only costs too much but by the time you get through even half of it you have to throw the rest away because it's all stale or rotten, no one can afford to live healthily these days and businesses are concentrating on making profit more than worrying about people's health, it's killing people hard

Re: taking some time out

[QUOTE=thebanned1;1190457]wtf ? [/QUOTE]

What part was confusing for you bro? Do they have farmers markets where you live?

Re: taking some time out

[QUOTE=floridaorange;1190466]What part was confusing for you bro? Do they have farmers markets where you live?[/QUOTE]

not sure, there is a big market in a town 30 minutes or so away and not sure if they sell food or just animals, there is a little shop in the street that does fruit and veg but it's limited in what it sells and even the supermarkets have cut down on the amount of stuff they stock probably because there was a lot of waste, i guess they only sell stuff that is selling, that is probably why everyone's diet is poor because the cost of living in quite high and people just can't afford to buy the stuff that is good and they are buying cheap food, things like fish is just extortionate, £3:50 for a small piece of fish people just can't afford it even though the health service in this country recommends it twice a week, by the time you buy a piece of fish, cook it and all the rest of the veg and other stuff you need it is just to much cost, if you have a family of 3 or four then you're looking at a huge cost to feed you're family everything they need for a balanced diet each week and even if you do have the money to buy it all things are sold in such big quantities now that by the time you get through it or some of the way through it you either have to throw it away or it's old and lacking it's nutritional content, the cost of bring up a kid in this country is huge and those kids are beginning their lives either nutritionally deficient from day one or eating junk food and becoming obese at a young age because their parent just can't afford to feed them the right diet,, i don't know how to describe it but it must be hurting the health service in this country hard and our health service is paid by taxes and free for all british citizens but it's fighting a losing battle from day one for the reasons i,ve just described, things like anti depressants are being prescribed more than they ever were and this if everyone could afford to eat healthily then people would be much happier and not need things like this, in a book i was reading ( one of only a few i,ve read in my life lol ) there was a part where it said that mental health problems including schizophrenia can be attributed to diet, that's quite scary and quite serious, god knows what other diseases and other problems poor diet is causing, the drugs that they treat these with are not only really expensive but they are hopeless, the things the medication i was on has done to my body is frightening, made me slow, have to sit and think hard before i type words ( can't even think of the right words to say no more ), can't even spell and have to read things over and over before i take them in and even struggle to take them in at that, increased my appetite so i was constantly binge eating and gorging on food all the time my body wasn't even digesting it right and it was sitting in my digestive system for a long time and causing problems with my livers ability to detox my body and caused me lots of skin problems, that just caused depression, i would of killed myself a long time ago if i didn't have music to keep me going or i didn't think about what it would of done to my family, places like this basically kept me going for a long time and at the same time were probably killing me at the same time, if i had access to a gun or something i would of done it years ago and i,ll be honest i,ve probably already killed myself through substance abuse due to this, the whole mental health system is just so wrong imo, it causes more damage than good ( not sure if i,ve already mentioned that or not in here already ) i don't really want to explain why on the forum but i,m thinking about what i,m going to say to my doctor about this when i see him in a couple of days, when i came of my meds not so long ago i was a complete mess, confusion and couldn't sleep for days, some time i think the side effects are deliberate because the people that are in it are in the business of making money and how do you create more money ? you sell a defective product that creates more business, that stuff was just nasty, i,m probably a couple of operations, anti depressants and viagra ( if i ever get a girlfriend, highly unlikely at 40 ) and that is just some of the things i can think of off hand i don't know a lot about it, there is no way back now, it's completely ruining people's lives

Re: taking some time out

i,ve been out walking round my town the past couple of days and twice i,ve been approached my the same young lass, first time she asked me to go into the shop for her, i refused because it was probably to get her either drink or cigarettes, yesterday i was walking along the same street and the same girl asked me if i had a lighter, it reminded me of when i was young and we used to ask adults to go into the shops for us to get either drink or "fags" ( as we call them in scotland ), it's depressing as fuck, seriously, history repeating itself, they kids are out on the street with nothing to do and no where to go and you just know it's going to be a life time of exposure to drugs dealers and alcohol, it's like no one has learned from the mistakes of our generation and hasn't put anything in place to try to teach these people about what could potentially happen and look at what they are spending trying to fix the health problems in us in later life, i think i found a blood clot and had to go to the doctors about it and i now have to go for a scan or something and this was probably due to the drugs i was taking, it wasn't until i was in a mental ward for the second time that i found out the drugs i was taking could do this to your body, i was in my 30's by then, it was far far too late by then, we were never told anything about what drugs could do to our system when we were younger so we never even considered the dangers when we were taking them, they should of taught us this in school years ago and been brutally graphic about it

Re: taking some time out

^^^The problem is at that age you probably wouldn't have believed them :)

Re: taking some time out

[QUOTE=thebanned1;1190535]i,ve been out walking round my town the past couple of days and twice i,ve been approached my the same young lass, first time she asked me to go into the shop for her, i refused because it was probably to get her either drink or cigarettes, yesterday i was walking along the same street and the same girl asked me if i had a lighter, it reminded me of when i was young and we used to ask adults to go into the shops for us to get either drink or "fags" ( as we call them in scotland ), it's depressing as fuck, seriously, history repeating itself, they kids are out on the street with nothing to do and no where to go and you just know it's going to be a life time of exposure to drugs dealers and alcohol, it's like no one has learned from the mistakes of our generation and hasn't put anything in place to try to teach these people about what could potentially happen and look at what they are spending trying to fix the health problems in us in later life, i think i found a blood clot and had to go to the doctors about it and i now have to go for a scan or something and this was probably due to the drugs i was taking, it wasn't until i was in a mental ward for the second time that i found out the drugs i was taking could do this to your body, i was in my 30's by then, it was far far too late by then, we were never told anything about what drugs could do to our system when we were younger so we never even considered the dangers when we were taking them, they should of taught us this in school years ago and been brutally graphic about it[/QUOTE]

Thats just life mate, life in Scotland probably hasn't changed much in the last 50 years other than more drugs on the streets.

Nothing that im proud of, but I've taken an obscene amount over the years and as yet, not any worse for it other than missing a few braincells.

Sounds like youre one of the unlucky ones.

Hope you get better soon!

Re: taking some time out

thebanned1 - you know where i am.

and what ya gotta do.

hit me up.

Re: taking some time out

Good for you for getting out and taking a walk. Going on walks are therapeutic, keep taking small steps in the direction towards physical and mental wellness, you would be surprised how resilient we humans can be. Keep fighting!

Re: taking some time out

[QUOTE=Huggie Smiles;1190545]thebanned1 - you know where i am.

and what ya gotta do.

hit me up.[/QUOTE]

i,m fine m8 honestly, just sitting trying to read a couple of books on diet and stuff, finding it hard, never been able to read properly in my life so i have to keep going over and over paragraphs and sentences, can't even spell properly, if it wasn't for spell checking on my browser i would of looked a right idiot every where, i think that is part of the problem with my reading, i,ve always hated the english subject since school, bores me to death, i got through a bachelor in science without ever reading a book and got through a subject in english in college when i just about every word in my essays was misspelled can't even remember if i used word or hand wrote them now if i,m honest but if i used word i was using spell checker for just about every second word, kind of scary if you think about it