Re: Most Dangerous Time of the Year
friends... I have returned a changed man. While taking a particularly intense dump just a few minutes ago, I had a vision of the future. Suddenly, I could see in all 15 dimensions and time slowed to 1s and 0s, just like in the Matrix. I could see the Truth for what it Is.
I too now see nefarious things in our future. Please, my friends, be on the lookout for the possibility of bad things in the months of January, February, March, April, May, June, July, August, September, October, November, and also December from now until the end of your lives. I will go ahead and boldly state for the record now that I predict that these events will result in 100% mortality at some point for all of you involved. My sources tell me that bad things may happen during these times, including but not limited to:
nuclear war
global warming
global cooling
global fiddling (it will be sort of like this big international squaredance, with deadly consequences)
a huge drop in the dollar
bloating and gas
a huge gain in the dollar
alien invasion
really bad mosquito bites (scratching will only make it worse)
birds shitting all over your car
asteroids
ice age
toenail fungus
Who or what is behind these things? My research suggests that it is Mossad.
Be sure to drink plenty of water during these times; you don't want to face these mortal perils with dry, flaky skin. Also buy lots of tin foil as you can make nice hats out of it.
I must now return to my home planet. Thank you and good luck!
:Hijack: