As a graduation present to my friend who is graduating this December with a degree in international studies my friend's mom is paying for her and a friend to go to Paris and Amstersdam for a total of 8 days. My husband is not being supportive of this at all. I really want to go. Infact, I am probably going to go with or without his blessing, however I am wondering if anybody has any tips on how I should approach this situation.
[ms] · Est. May 2002
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So my friend invited me to go with her to Paris and Amsterdam...
26 durable postsStarted 2010-10-21Latest 2010-10-23
Re: So my friend invited me to go with her to Paris and Amsterdam...
Can you give us any idea as to what angle your husband is playing by not being supportive? Is he typically a controlling guy? Is he jealous that you get to go and he doesn't? Have you ever done anything to cause him to not trust you?
Sorry for the probing questions, but the answers to those will definitely help.
Re: So my friend invited me to go with her to Paris and Amsterdam...
I have never done anything to make him not trust me, and he generally is not a controlling guy. He is afraid that we are going to party, and be unresponsible and that someone is going to prey upon to American girls. I told him we are both college and street educated women, and that we will be aware of my surroundings. I also told him that the whole purpose of this trip is not just to party. We do plan a club night in each location, especially if a DJ we like is playing. I am not a naive person and neither is she. I dont know if he is more scarred of the unknown or if he is more jealous that I am going or what.
Re: So my friend invited me to go with her to Paris and Amsterdam...
We have been together for 10 years, and no major issues with our relationship to speak of. However, he knows that I like to party, and how I like to party and that is part of his concern.
Re: So my friend invited me to go with her to Paris and Amsterdam...
Maybe its the "way" you like to party that is now a real concern to him as you'll be miles and miles away. Potentially when one is far away..there might be temptations that can arise. Im not saying you'll cheat but it can cross anyone's mind in a situation like this. 10 years is a long time to established solid trust.
..or it can be the Hostel or Taken movies that concern him!! :what
All in all, he's probably more concerned for you safety really.
Re: So my friend invited me to go with her to Paris and Amsterdam...
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Re: So my friend invited me to go with her to Paris and Amsterdam...
If my wife said she was going to go for 8 days I would say go ahead and then I would start my party planning :lol:
Seriously I wouldn't be able to throw a party because of the kids but I would enjoy my time alone the best I could within the guidelines of my marriage (sorry had to throw the disclaimer in there). I've been married for 15 years and I can see both your point of view as well as his (even though his is not stated). I am inclined to think he has your safety as a concern considering that you both trust each other and have been together for a while. If I was in your shoes I would sit down and talk to him in depth and find out exactly what his concerns are regarding this subject (yes he knows you like to party but is there another concern). One of the biggest issues in a relationship is the inability to talk to one another. I'm not saying that you two don't I'm just saying that communication can be big issue. I bet that it all boils down to your safety.
Re: So my friend invited me to go with her to Paris and Amsterdam...
it´s all about trust... I think he may not trust in you because he woudn´t trust himself if he was the one going 8 days away... or maybe cause you like partying very much and he knows you well... anyways, it´s about trust imo, and is something that you can only workout yourself (and himself). Don´t miss the trip!
Re: So my friend invited me to go with her to Paris and Amsterdam...
Did someone say Dam ? :D
I miss this place
[IMG]http://www.marijuanareviews.com/post-pics/420-cafe-001.JPG[/IMG]
Re: So my friend invited me to go with her to Paris and Amsterdam...
[QUOTE=liquidmesa;898919]We have been together for 10 years, and no major issues with our relationship to speak of. However, he knows that I like to party, and how I like to party and that is part of his concern.[/QUOTE]
Not sure "how" you like to party, but unless you're only talking about drinking O'Douls (sorry, Kamal) and blowing noisemakers, then I'd say that anything you do is going to lower your senses (however slight that may be) and may cause you to lose your inhibitions somewhat. I'm not trying to justify your husband's concern here, but BureOne is right - you'll be thousands of miles away and he won't be able to just jump in a car and "rescue" you if you call.
On a related note: you sound fun. Can I come too?
Re: So my friend invited me to go with her to Paris and Amsterdam...
tell him to take you instead, when he says he can't, there you go
Re: So my friend invited me to go with her to Paris and Amsterdam...
[QUOTE=Funky Dredd;898928]If my wife said she was going to go for 8 days I would say go ahead and then I would start my party planning :lol:[/QUOTE]
a man after my own making. I do it all the time :lol:
Re: So my friend invited me to go with her to Paris and Amsterdam...
[QUOTE=skahound;898963]Not sure "how" you like to party, but unless you're only talking about drinking O'Douls (sorry, Kamal) [/QUOTE]
those days are long gone, there isn't a leash long or strong enough to keep me from the hooch.
Re: So my friend invited me to go with her to Paris and Amsterdam...
[QUOTE=Kamal;898971]those days are long gone, there isn't a leash long or strong enough to keep me from the hooch.[/QUOTE]
:lol:
Thatta boy!
Re: So my friend invited me to go with her to Paris and Amsterdam...
`How old are you, how old is your friend and your husband? Do you and your husband party often i.e. drink more than a couple drinks in a party atmosphere (not home).
Out of curiosity, what college did you, your friend, and your husband graduate from?
Re: So my friend invited me to go with her to Paris and Amsterdam...
[QUOTE=liquidmesa;898915]As a graduation present to my friend who is graduating this December with a degree in international studies my friend's mom is paying for her and a friend to go to Paris and Amstersdam for a total of 8 days. My husband is not being supportive of this at all. I really want to go. Infact, I am probably going to go with or without his blessing, however I am wondering if anybody has any tips on how I should approach this situation.[/QUOTE]
to save your marriage, I believe i should escort your friend to the 'dam :)
Its in your own best interests, you understand.
Re: So my friend invited me to go with her to Paris and Amsterdam...
To be honest, if he's honestly worried about you cheating on him he's probably worried about cheating himself. I'm not married but I take my sisters approach to cheating, "Why ruin what you have with your signficant other over 1 night? You never know if it would be worth it, would you really risk losing what you currently have for a fling?"
I'd honestly say (I hope) he isn't concerned about cheating, he's more concerned he can't be the protecter if you get into trouble. If my wife of 10 years was going on a trip like that, it is what I'd be thinking. I'd totally trust her not to cheat, I'd be worried for her and her friends safety. Maybe I'm a schmuck.
Re: So my friend invited me to go with her to Paris and Amsterdam...
[QUOTE=floridaorange;898986]`How old are you, how old is your friend and your husband? Do you and your husband party often i.e. drink more than a couple drinks in a party atmosphere (not home).
Out of curiosity, what college did you, your friend, and your husband graduate from?[/QUOTE]
I really appreciate everyones imput. To be honest, I did not expect this much of a response...
My friend is 33 and I am 31, we drink often (like once a week) in social situations, infact I go clubbing downtown without him monthly. I graduated from UCF with a degree in journalism and a minor in political science and my friend is graduating from Rollins College. I know how to handle myself, I have been hrough and seen a lot in my life and even lived in the ghetto at one lowly point in my life. The purpose of this trip is not to party and get shit faced, its to get to see another part of the world. I understand his concern for my safety but I have never needed him to come rescue me. He knows that I can be a tough and mean bitch if necissary, but I dont think it will be necissary.
Oh and my husband is 36 and he did not graduate from college
Re: So my friend invited me to go with her to Paris and Amsterdam...
What an incredible opportunity!! I hope you and your husband sort it out so you can go and enjoy this opportunity.
I don't know your relationship with your husband, but if you have a solid foundation, there should be no issue going on this trip. It could be like others have mentioned that he is worried about your safety, but that shouldn't be a reason to stop you from going.
Do you have other responsibilities like children, pets, or work that will suddenly fall on his shoulders to manage all on his own? If so, that would seem to me to be the logical reason behind him not wanting you to go. I am not saying it should stop you from going, but it would definitely make it more understandable why he doesn't want you to go....
Re: So my friend invited me to go with her to Paris and Amsterdam...
Firstly , it does seem as though he is worried about your safety more than anything else. The mere fact that you are thousands of miles away probably makes him feel far more aware that something could go wrong and he won't be there for you. The long talk is a great idea. point out to him that you are going to countries that are every bit as civilised as home. You know how to look after yourself at home , this will not change in a foreign country. In fact if you are anything like me you will be far more conscious of your own safety. Things you might do at home you don't when you are in a strange country.
It sounds as though you haven't spent this amount of time apart before so perhaps he is missing you already. :) Which is actually quite nice. :)
Hope you sort it out and have a wonderful time ! :D Perhaps suggest he organize a good boys night out. :D
Re: So my friend invited me to go with her to Paris and Amsterdam...
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Re: So my friend invited me to go with her to Paris and Amsterdam...
I see no problem with it as long as you dont get too carried away with the liquid courage and get a little frisky, happens to everyone.. lol. As with the others, I think he is just worrying about your safety more than anything else.
Re: So my friend invited me to go with her to Paris and Amsterdam...
If it were me in this situation, it would really boil down to what your friend is like... Some of my friends are pretty respectable people and my wife would completely trust me in another country with them... some of my other friends though are known party animals and when you put me and them together + a foreign country for 8 days, god knows shit might go down...
So I guess ask yourself an honest question, is your husbands fear rational based on the type of relationship you have with this friend of yours... Is she the wild type? What kind of influence does she have on you when you guys go out?
If his fear is irrational and baseless, talk to him clearly about it and remind him he has nothing to worry about... he's just gonna have to trust you...
However if his fear is rational based on the kind of person your friend is, I would decline the trip, and plan to experience Amsterdam with your Husband one day...
good luck :)
Re: So my friend invited me to go with her to Paris and Amsterdam...
You seem like a rational person and I can't see a simple 8 day trip across the pond ruining your marriage of 10 years. My man of 10 years has no problem with me going on trips with girlfriends and he knows how I party. Trust is an awesome thing and we have it for each other. Go for it and have a blast!
Re: So my friend invited me to go with her to Paris and Amsterdam...
Thank you all for your imput, and I put some of your arguements to use. And after a long conversation and a lot of begging and conincing him that I wont do anything crazy he said I can go!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Fuck yeah! I am going to Paris and Amsterdam!!!! Woooooohooooooo :o::D:o::D
Re: So my friend invited me to go with her to Paris and Amsterdam...
That's great!! Have a wonderful time :D