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Forums / General Yakkity Yak

Happy 70th birthday Chuck Norris

46 durable postsStarted 2010-03-10Latest 2010-03-29
#81264Post 1 of 46

Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names.

[B]24.[/B]

Chuck Norris can divide by zero. [B]23.[/B]

Chuck Norris doesn't climb trees. He just pulls them down and walks on top of them. [B]22.[/B]

Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird. [B]21.[/B]

Outer space exists because it's afraid to be on the same planet with Chuck Norris. [B]20.[/B]

Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at Burger King and got one. [B]19.[/B]

Newton's Third Law is wrong: Although it states that for each action, there is an equal and opposite reaction, there is no force equal in reaction to a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick. [B]18.[/B]

Chuck Norris counted to infinity - three times. [B]17.[/B]

Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door. [B]16.[/B]

What came first, the chicken or the egg? Chuck Norris came first.

[B]15.[/B]

When Chuck Norris falls in water, Chuck Norris doesn't get wet. Water gets Chuck Norris.

[B]14.[/B]

Chuck Norris is suing MySpace for taking the name of what he calls everything around you. [B]13.[/B]

There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live. [B]12.[/B]

Chuck Norris doesn't actually write books. The words assemble themselves out of fear. [B]11.[/B]

Chuck Norris is so fast, he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head. [B]10.[/B]

Chuck Norris sleeps with a night light. Not because Chuck Norris is afraid of the dark, but the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris. [B]9.[/B]

Chuck Norris once visited the Virgin Islands. They are now The Islands. [B]8.[/B]

Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants. [B]7.[/B]

If you have five dollars and Chuck Norris has five dollars, Chuck Norris has more money than you. [B]6.[/B]

If you Google search "Chuck Norris getting his ass kicked" you will generate zero results. It just doesn't happen

[B]5.[/B]

Chuck Norris doesn't wear a watch. He simply decides what time it is.

[B]4.[/B]

You know how they say if you die in your dream then you will die in real life? In reality, if you dream of death then Chuck Norris will find you and kill you. [B]3.[/B]

For some, the left testicle is larger than the right one. For Chuck Norris, each testicle is larger than the other one. [B]2.[/B]

When Chuck Norris does a push up, he isn't lifting himself up, he's pushing the Earth down. [B]1.[/B]

When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.:D

#1346328Post 2 of 46

Re: Happy 70th birthday Chuck Norris

If you Google search "Chuck Norris getting his ass kicked" you will generate zero results. It just doesn't happen

LMAO... Have not seen that one before:D

#1346394Post 3 of 46

Re: Happy 70th birthday Chuck Norris

Never tire of Chuck Norris jokes :lol:

#1346396Post 4 of 46

Re: Happy 70th birthday Chuck Norris

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[URL="http://www.google.com/advanced_search?q=Chuck+Norris+getting+his+ass+kicked&hl=en&rls=com.microsoft:en-us:IE-SearchBox&rlz=1I7ACAW_enUS362"]Advanced Search[/URL] [B]Web[/B][URL="http://www.google.com/search?q=Chuck+Norris+getting+his+ass+kicked&hl=en&rls=com.microsoft:en-us:IE-SearchBox&rlz=1I7ACAW_enUS362&tbo=1"] Hide optionsShow options...[/URL] Results [B]1[/B] - [B]10[/B] of about [B]35,600,000[/B] for [B]Chuck Norris getting his ass kicked[/B]. ([B]0.20[/B] seconds)

NOT TRUE... Never using GOOGLE again... They lie :D

#1346427Post 5 of 46

Re: Happy 70th birthday Chuck Norris

hey these r neat ive never seen these b4! u rock!

#1346430Post 6 of 46

Re: Happy 70th birthday Chuck Norris

Chuck Norris's tears cure cancer. Too bad he never cries.

#1346467Post 7 of 46

Re: Happy 70th birthday Chuck Norris

[IMG]http://imgur.com/Z4cRa.jpg[/IMG]

#1346475Post 8 of 46

Re: Happy 70th birthday Chuck Norris

Hey look an owl!

#1346515Post 9 of 46

Re: Happy 70th birthday Chuck Norris

Chuck Norris knows everything there is to know, except the definition of mercy

#1346527Post 10 of 46

Re: Happy 70th birthday Chuck Norris

Chuck Norris just pissed your pants

#1346528Post 11 of 46

Re: Happy 70th birthday Chuck Norris

The role of Alf from the hit 80's tv show of the same name, was actually played by Chuck Norris's penis

#1346529Post 12 of 46

Re: Happy 70th birthday Chuck Norris

Chuck Norris eats pencils and markers for breakfast, and he shits out masterpieces

#1346530Post 13 of 46

Re: Happy 70th birthday Chuck Norris

The Vietnam War ended over 30 years ago. Nobody told Chuck Norris :shock:

#1346531Post 14 of 46

Re: Happy 70th birthday Chuck Norris

Chuck Norris once struck lightning

#1346586Post 15 of 46

Re: Happy 70th birthday Chuck Norris

Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his father

#1346587Post 16 of 46

Re: Happy 70th birthday Chuck Norris

Filming on location for Walker: Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris brought a stillborn baby lamb back to life by giving it a prolonged beard rub. Shortly after the farm animal sprang back to life and a crowd had gathered, Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked the animal, breaking its neck, to remind the crew once more that Chuck giveth, and the good Chuck, he taketh away.

#1346588Post 17 of 46

Re: Happy 70th birthday Chuck Norris

[IMG]http://i351.photobucket.com/albums/q461/kevlq/402px-Chuck_norris_toilet_paper.png[/IMG]

#1346589Post 18 of 46

Re: Happy 70th birthday Chuck Norris

Chuck Norris has never won an Academy Award for acting... because he's not acting

#1346590Post 19 of 46

Re: Happy 70th birthday Chuck Norris

Chuck Norris' calendar goes from March 31 st to April 2nd, because nobody fools Chuck Norris.

#1346591Post 20 of 46

Re: Happy 70th birthday Chuck Norris

Chuck Norris can ride a wheely on a unicylce.

#1346610Post 21 of 46

Re: Happy 70th birthday Chuck Norris

[IMG]http://tonday.com/images/weird/chuck_norris_battle_manual.jpg[/IMG]

#1346611Post 22 of 46

Re: Happy 70th birthday Chuck Norris

[IMG]http://i203.photobucket.com/albums/aa293/ubervinyl/550_chuck_norris_birthday_cake.jpg[/IMG]

#1346716Post 23 of 46

Re: Happy 70th birthday Chuck Norris

Class :)

#1346783Post 24 of 46

Re: Happy 70th birthday Chuck Norris

Chuck Norris can speak braille

#1346786Post 25 of 46

Re: Happy 70th birthday Chuck Norris

Chuck Norris once played Jenga. The result was the Empire State Building

#1346791Post 26 of 46

Re: Happy 70th birthday Chuck Norris

chuck norris can blow bubbles with beef jerkey

#1346792Post 27 of 46

Re: Happy 70th birthday Chuck Norris

[QUOTE=Micko;843113]Chuck Norris can speak braille[/QUOTE]

:lol::lol:

If you have 5 dollars and Chuck Norris has 3, Chuck Norris has more money than you.

#1346797Post 28 of 46

Re: Happy 70th birthday Chuck Norris

If Chuck Norris looks at you and even thinks about Jesus, you are immediately converted to Christianity.

#1346807Post 29 of 46

Re: Happy 70th birthday Chuck Norris

[QUOTE=Micko;842813]The role of Alf from the hit 80's tv show of the same name, was actually played by Chuck Norris's penis[/QUOTE] :CrackUp::CrackUp::CrackUp::CrackUp::CrackUp:

#1346828Post 30 of 46

Re: Happy 70th birthday Chuck Norris

[IMG]http://www.funnycorner.net/funny-pictures/4877/chuck-norris-was-here.jpg[/IMG]

#1346861Post 31 of 46

Re: Happy 70th birthday Chuck Norris

:lol: They never get boring...

#1346872Post 32 of 46

Re: Happy 70th birthday Chuck Norris

[url]http://www.nochucknorris.com/[/url]

#1346883Post 33 of 46

Re: Happy 70th birthday Chuck Norris

[QUOTE=ribbario;843213][URL]http://www.nochucknorris.com/[/URL][/QUOTE]

:lol:

#1346950Post 34 of 46

Re: Happy 70th birthday Chuck Norris

A personal one I liked was 'If you get 7 wanted stars on Grand Theft Auto, Chuck Norris comes after you'!

#1347137Post 35 of 46

Re: Happy 70th birthday Chuck Norris

These "worship Chuck Norris" lines were funny.... 15 years ago.

#1347192Post 36 of 46

Re: Happy 70th birthday Chuck Norris

^Boooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!

#1347212Post 37 of 46

Re: Happy 70th birthday Chuck Norris

[QUOTE=ribbario;843213][URL]http://www.nochucknorris.com/[/URL][/QUOTE]

:lol:

#1347220Post 38 of 46

Re: Happy 70th birthday Chuck Norris

Chuck Norris never turned 70, 70 turned Chuck Norris!

#1347503Post 39 of 46

Re: Happy 70th birthday Chuck Norris

[QUOTE=djkix;843508]These "worship Chuck Norris" lines were funny.... 15 years ago.[/QUOTE]

I wouldn't let Chuck Norris hear you saying that :shock:

Surely, it would result in a round-house to the head

#1347523Post 40 of 46

Re: Happy 70th birthday Chuck Norris

I don't know who he is. :shock:

Should I?

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