Re: My life is fucking over

[QUOTE=DIDI;781865]^^^ That's probably a mental thing. Every time you get enthusiastic they find something wrong. Incredibly destuctive.[/QUOTE]

Just seemed like every time I did really well at work, my gf would complain how terrible her work was. But if work for me is not going well, she's perfectly fine. Insights welcome.

Don't mean to highjack, but I'm sure this is relevant...

Re: My life is fucking over

feather, i have been here before mate, and honestly, even tho its not what you want to hear, it sounds like a destructive relationship...

I know that love is blind tho mate, and its so hard to make any kinda decision with a clear head when you are in this situation...

just make sure that you are getting what you want too mate - at the end of the day, you sound like you would make someone who deserves you very happy... just make sure that it IS someone who deserves you...

Re: My life is fucking over

I would defo focus on some new work opportunities, those first days of a split are gut wrenching handling it straight on takes a lot of toughness and spirit just think of that as the days pass or do what I did and just toss all her stuff in a dumpster, then have the locks changed.

Re: My life is fucking over

[QUOTE=feather;781629]On MSN with her now and I really don't know what to do. She wants to hurt me and feel everything like she is now, and wants us to be 'equal'.

It's 12:20am I have an interview in 7 hours and another interview at 6pm.

All I have been doing is begging her for a chance, not tonight or tomorrow or this week but at some point in the future with some time behind us, to give me a chance to fix things. I have even offered to quit my job today if she wanted a commitment from me to fix things, I would quit my job and plan to move back to where she is or wherever she wants to go.

Fuck man. It has come to a point where, I just don't know, I mean, fuck, I don't know. Argh.[/QUOTE]

Feather. I've followed a girl like a puppy in the last 4 years to no avail after a short romance we had, telling myself she was everything I needed etc. After not seeing her for 6+ months I realized I finally started looking around and whaddayaknow, more than 8 months later I'm in the beginning of a possible relationship and it is sooo different. Wanna know the difference? She's not sucking me dry mentally. She's not a taker. She won't have me beg, plead or anything like that. She gives back.

Dude, I have little insight into your relationship with her, but any woman making you beg and crawl if you haven't cheated on her should not be worth the trouble, and even then there are limits. Look in the mirror and ask yourself what you want to do with your life. If you want to hand over control to someone like her and behave like a lapdog, that is your god-given right. If not, man up and take control over your own life and live it. I must say that if you're able to genuinely do and feel this, and then meet someone, your future relationships will be much more relaxed. With this girl that I'm seeing I'm still doing whatever I want, and we're both taking small steps at a time towards the middle where we may in the end finally meet -a true relationship. I'm not following, I'm not leading, and neither is she.

Detach, accept and proceed. Life doesn't end here mate.It's been a rant, but i'm kinda drunk and have barely begun to overcome a fucked up love myself, thanks to this incredible girl I've met. She made me realize a lot, but the most important thing is that I've chosen myself. And ever since I've been happier than ever, because I've taken back control over my life ;). Maybe there's something in here that will help you make the 'click' in your head, I hope so, even though I may regret this post next morning :D.

Re: My life is fucking over

[quote=Dhar_2;781626]^ what kinda of bird are you???

you should always have something to say

are you sure your not a bloke????? :shock:[/quote] :lol: :lol::lol: I'm just projecting myself into the situation. Usually if I am venting it is for two reasons , no 1, it really helps me to focus my mind and work things out myself. Btw feather has helped me to do that on another issue. No 2, I just want someone to say, there, there Di , of course you are totally right about absolutely everything!! :lol: Strangly enough no 2 never happens :lol:

Re: My life is fucking over

Guys I have a rare moment today when I can respond to this thread calmly.

I really really appreciate everyone being here. It is seriously extremely hard for me and I've had to force myself to be at work because being at home would just be worse, and getting random flashes and tearing up in front of my computer. The colleagues I have confided in have been amazingly supportive too.

I have taken on board all that is said, and a rational part of me who still observes dispassionately knows we have been here before, just not to such an extreme.

And being disppasionate, I know when we first met, I had a crush on her which lead to her being on a pedestal, and to be honest when we first got together I couldn't believe it happened.

Which naturally put me in a position where I have always felt somewhat inadequate or I was lucky she was even with me.

But by the same token it has made me want to be a better person, she did bring out the best in me. To me, being in a relationship isn't just about being happy, but what the relationship makes me into. Who I want to be for her and our sake, is a reflection of how amazing our love and relationship is.

(And I suppose her going off the rails is a reflection of how she feels and how much she is hurting. And it is fucking me up because she is alone in Sydney with no support. I am in no position to offer her help when I can't even communicate with her without her telling me how much I disgust her or how she hates me. That is really really fucking me up that I cannot do anything and there is nobody here for her.)

I don't know if that is the right way to go about it, but I had thought it brought out the best in us, but unfortunately, the worst too as simon said.

I made a promise before that I would, if I could, make her world a better place and I guess because of that, it has always lead to me assuming the wrong and trying to fix things.

I know all your advice is spot on but all I can think of is for a chance to fix things.

But I guess it is out of my hands now even though I will keep trying. I just feel so fucking ashamed.

Re: My life is fucking over

[quote=feather;781946]I can't even communicate with her without her telling me how much I disgust her or how she hates me.[/quote]

who does she think she is? does this sound like someone you really want to fix things with?

i know its hard! we've all been there. and i know me saying it doesnt make it any easier. but i honestly think YOU KNOW you are better off without this person!

please take care of yourself!

big hug!

Dhar

Re: My life is fucking over

Mate, move on and keep going and remember that [FONT=Arial]Change is the only consistent Truth in Life & the only thing that will never change is the Truth. [/FONT]

Re: My life is fucking over

[quote=Dzone;781976]Mate, move on and keep going and remember that [FONT=Arial]Change is the only consistent Truth in Life & the only thing that will never change is the Truth. [/FONT][/quote] nice!

Re: My life is fucking over

I really don't know whats going on now. I know you didn't cheat on her yet you are asking for forgiveness...sorry I think I lost the thread here...

Re: My life is fucking over

[quote=feather;781946]

I made a promise before that I would, if I could, make her world a better place and I guess because of that, it has always lead to me assuming the wrong and trying to fix things. [/quote]

My Father once said, "You can't be Prince Charming if SHE is NOT Cinderella"

No truer words have ever been spoken...

Stay stong!

Re: My life is fucking over

Bottom line here is that you two are not married. So stop beating yourself up and quit letting her verbally abuse you. You haven't done anything wrong, she's far from ok mentally right now, so you need do whatever it takes to preserve your own sanity and well being. Take it easy, and stop trying to control the uncontrollable.

Re: My life is fucking over

I don't think I will have a chance to see or talk to her before she leaves, sigh. So fucking drained.

Went out with a colleague last night and shared a spliff, lay in bed not sleeping but at least it drained some tension out of me.

Re: My life is fucking over

atta'boy

Re: My life is fucking over

[quote=feather;782415]I don't think I will have a chance to see or talk to her before she leaves, sigh. [/quote]

its probably for the best! let some time pass then you can talk rationally and bring things to closure once the emotions have sudsided!

Re: My life is fucking over

Uninformed opinion:

Listen to these people right here. They know what they talking about ;)

Re: My life is fucking over

[quote=feather;782415]I don't think I will have a chance to see or talk to her before she leaves, sigh. So fucking drained.

Went out with a colleague last night and shared a spliff, lay in bed not sleeping but at least it drained some tension out of me.[/quote] Good!! :) Now maybe you concentrate on something important, like are you coming to Melbourne for Sasha ?? ;)

Re: My life is fucking over

no thats something to look forward too!

and you even have the pleasure of confiming that didi is infact a bloke! :lol:

Re: My life is fucking over

^^ or there could be [ms] wedding bells in the air !

Re: My life is fucking over

[quote=Dhar_2;782508] and you even have the pleasure of confiming that didi is infact a bloke! :lol:[/quote]

WHAT??

isnt that confirmed already :lol:

Re: My life is fucking over

dunno, did you check? :Who:

Re: My life is fucking over

I met her in the middle of the night. We were texting and then talking on the phone and eventually met up. And talked for a bit on the street.

Nothing is resolved and I don't expect it to, I mean, I guess it's a miracle that she would want to talk to me.

It just feels like there is a huge misperception of where we are or what we are. And I know I keep owning up to being wrong and I'm not doing this to be apologetic or get sympathy, but I think we've both lost sight of who we were/are and what we were suppose to be to each other.

It's my fault for losing sight. Living alone in Sydney and not having a life except work and numbing myself to everything else so I can keep going like a drone. I really think I lost a lot of perspective living alone and living alone in my head. Lost sight of our promise, lost sight of my compass, lost sight of the fact that this was the one connection, and I tried to fill all that with whatever.

And no matter what kinda connection we started with, I told her the connection has changed and twisted. It used to bring out the best in us and now it brings out the worst. And yet I just don't know if I can lose it, I don't know if the worst is worth the best but nobody else has ever brought out the best in me.

I think I/we have always been so adamant about us working things out because it just never felt like we ever, ever, had the right time or the ideal circumstances, perhaps we never will. But seriously shit just keeps happening to us.

Anyway long story short, there is no resolution but at least we spoke and I suggested we give this some time, and if she wants to see me in Nov when she visits again for a friend's wedding, we can see how we feel when we see each other, and if there is any hope of moving forward from this.

Sigh.

Re: My life is fucking over

damn feather, sorry to hear you are going through all of this.. just read through the whole thread and i have to concur with the lot on this forum.. some really good advice here.

i know from experience that when you feel inadequade with respect to someone else... it is VERY easy to blame yourself for whatever is going wrong in a relationship... you just have to take a step back... get hammered one night, take a few days to recoop from the hangover and once ur feeling well and back to mind, look at it from a neutral perspective.

take a break, be happy you are single for the time being and evaluate yourself so you can make whatever relationship comes next (with her or not) better.

good luck to you mate!!

Re: My life is fucking over

glad you at least had a chance to talk before she left and that you will have another chance to talk once some water has passed under the bridge!

keep your chin and think about you! get pro-active

you say you are living like a drone, shutting things out! what do you want to do?

go to the gym

go to the sasha gig

get out meet people

feel good about yourself.

your only capable of giving to others when you can give to yourself.

Re: My life is fucking over

Hey feather.. sorry to hear about your situation, just read the entire thread.. not quite sure what your first post read, but hang in there buddy... strangely enough it does get better... over time you will be a stronger person... first things first... take care of number 1 - which is you and the rest will eventually fall into place.

On a side note - I think you said that you spent waaay too much time working and not enough into your relationship, remember definitely not to make the same mistake again, some women need more TLC then others ;-)

Re: My life is fucking over

Hang in there fella. While things may be tough at the moment, time can be a great healer. Shit does change

A lot of sound advice here ;)

Look after yourself - be a friend to yourself, and try to have some fun if you can

Of course, listen to some ambience. I find it always does the trick

Re: My life is fucking over

[QUOTE=Micko;783223]be a friend to yourself[/QUOTE]

^^exactly that.