A guide to man-machine interface

USER-FRIENDLY C:\ DUR Command not found. Try retyping

USER-HELPFUL C:\ DUR I don't understand DUR. Do you mean DIR ?

USER-UNFRIENDLY C:\ DUR C:\ DUR C:\ DUR C:\ DUR

USER-HOSTILE C:\ DUR Ha! A mistake! I'm sure you meant to say FORMAT, so that's what I'll do.

USER-INDIFFERENT C:\ DUR DUR?

USER-PATRONIZING C:\ DUR Now, that's not quite right is it? Let's try again; this time, use the manual that the nice salesperson gave you when you bought me.

USER-OBSEQUIOUS C:\ DUR I'm so very, very sorry but I don't understand that. I'm sure it was my fault, but if you would please try again I'll do my best.

USER-SARCASTIC C:\ DUR Well, Look who's made a mistake then. Very unusual, I don't think.

USER-INSULTING C:\ DUR Fck off C:\ DIR Fck off

USER-SMUG C:\ DUR No C:\ DOR Nope C:\ HELP No C:\ PLEASE Not unless you give me a 300Mb hard disk to live on. C:\ BSTRD Abuse will get you nowhere

USER-ANALYTICAL C:\ DUR What makes you say that? C:\ A TYPING MISTAKE How long have you been making these mistakes? C:\ BANANAS Do you like bananas? C:\ I LOVE THEM Why do you bring up the subject of love? ...etc

USER-McDONALD May I help you please? C:\ DUR I'm sorry but that command is not available at this time. Have a nice day. C:\ DIR Will that be an MS-DOS directory? C:\ YES To read here, or for printout to take away? C:\ HERE Thank you. Have a nice day.

USER-MEGALOMANIAC C:\ DUR Don't bother me with trivial requests. I'm busy.

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Computer Messages: what they say and what they mean by it

Press Any Key.

Press any key you like but I'm not moving.

Press A Key.

Nothing happens unless you press the 'A' key.

Fatal Error. Please contact technical support quoting error no. 1A4-2546512430E...

... where you will be kept on hold for 10 minutes, only to be told that it's a hardware problem.

Installing program to C:...

... And I'll also be writing a few files into c:\windows and c:\windows\system where you'll NEVER find them.

Not enough memory.

I don't CARE if you've got 64 MB of RAM, I want to use the bit below 640K.

Cannot read from drive D:...

...however, if you put the CD in right side up...

Please Wait...

...indefinitely.

Directory does not exist...

....any more. Woops.

The application caused an error. Choose Ignore or Close.

....Makes no difference to me, you're still not getting your work back.